Simon is cool. You know, it's different if you ever see him

In the grand weave of human existence, there is a deep and powerful truth: identity is not static. It flows and shifts with the presence of others, especially those with whom we share a deep connection. Ruben Studdard’s words, “Simon is cool. You know, it's different if you ever see him around his mom. He acts totally different,” offer a profound reflection on the fluidity of character and how our environment shapes our actions. In this simple observation, Studdard reveals that our true selves are often brought out by the most intimate relationships—those we hold with family, where love, trust, and familiarity create a space for us to act in ways we may not show to the wider world.

In the ancient world, identity and relationship were inseparable. The Greeks believed that a man’s honor and virtue were reflected in how he acted not only in public, but in the home, especially in relation to the most intimate bonds. The family was the foundation of a person’s moral and social standing. In Homer’s Iliad, the bond between Achilles and his mother, Thetis, is central to his identity as a hero. Though Achilles is a warrior of unparalleled strength on the battlefield, it is his relationship with his mother that shapes his choices, his actions, and even his fate. The ancient Greeks knew that, just as Studdard observes in Simon’s behavior, the influence of family brings forth parts of ourselves that might remain hidden in the broader world.

This duality of self is not unique to the modern world, nor is it confined to the Greek epics. In the Roman world, the idea of “virtus”, or the embodiment of manly virtue, was often demonstrated within the family. Cicero, the great Roman orator, wrote at length about the importance of family in shaping a person’s character. He believed that a man’s conduct within the home was a direct reflection of his true nature, more so than the glory achieved in public or political arenas. In the same way, Ruben Studdard's reflection on Simon's behavior with his mother speaks to this timeless idea: our core identity is revealed not just in how we act publicly, but in how we interact with those we trust and love most intimately.

The duality between public persona and private self is something that has echoed through history. Take, for example, the life of Alexander the Great, whose public image as a mighty conqueror was complemented by a very different side revealed in his interactions with his mother, Olympias, and his closest companions. While Alexander displayed bravery and independence on the battlefield, it was often in the privacy of his relationships that his true vulnerabilities and emotional depth came to the surface. Alexander’s relationship with his mother in particular was one of great influence. In many ways, she shaped his approach to leadership and his ambitions, revealing how even the greatest leaders are influenced by the family ties that bind them.

The modern world, too, continues to reflect this interplay between public and private identity. We see how individuals act differently in the presence of their families, where comfort, love, and security allow them to express themselves more freely, without the need for masks or pretenses. Simon, as Studdard suggests, is “cool” in public, perhaps fitting the image that the world expects of him. But in the presence of his mother, he reveals a side of himself that is more vulnerable, genuine, and personal. This dynamic speaks to the importance of family and relationship in shaping the fullness of our identity.

The lesson here is profound: our true selves are often revealed in the most intimate of settings, where the expectations of the world fall away and we are free to be who we truly are. It reminds us that relationships—especially with those we love—hold the power to shape us in ways that the world cannot. In the modern age, where the pressure to perform and conform is great, it is in our private lives, in the comfort of our families and closest friends, that we can find the space to rediscover our authenticity.

Thus, as we move forward in our own lives, let us remember that identity is not just something we perform in the public eye. It is something that is shaped, nurtured, and revealed in the privacy of our relationships. Just as Simon reveals a different side of himself with his mother, we too must embrace the truths that emerge when we are in the presence of those who know us best. In doing so, we find the strength to live authentically, to show up fully in the world as our true selves, and to embrace both the public and private aspects of our identity as essential pieces of our whole.