Some are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is

In the tender and timeless words of Pearl S. Buck, “Some are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same, and most mothers kiss and scold together,” we hear the melody of truth that only experience and wisdom can compose. These words, simple in sound yet profound in meaning, remind us that love wears many faces—that affection is not always soft, nor guidance always gentle. Buck, a woman who understood the breadth of the human heart, teaches us that a mother’s love is not measured by sweetness alone, but by the depth of her devotion—the willingness to nurture, protect, and discipline in equal measure. For the mother’s love, like the ocean, has both calm and storm; yet both exist to guard and to give life.

The origin of this quote lies in the heart of Pearl S. Buck’s own story—a life shaped by cross-cultural understanding and deep compassion. Raised in China as the daughter of missionaries, Buck observed motherhood not as a singular experience but as a universal force, transcending language, class, and nation. Her writing often explored the sacred ordinariness of life, especially the quiet heroism of women. In this quote, she captures one of life’s greatest paradoxes: that love disciplines as much as it comforts, that the same hands which caress the cheek may also correct the path. She saw motherhood as both tenderness and trial, a labor of patience and persistence, where affection must often walk beside authority.

The ancients, too, recognized this dual nature of maternal love. In the myths of the Greeks, Demeter, the goddess of harvest, was both nurturing and fierce. When her daughter Persephone was taken from her, Demeter’s sorrow turned to wrath, and the earth itself withered until her child was returned. Her fury was love in its most primal form—a reminder that love defends as fiercely as it embraces. Buck’s insight speaks to this ancient truth: that the mother’s heart is a vessel of both gentleness and strength, for to love a child wholly is to protect them from harm, even if that protection sometimes arrives as correction.

Consider the story of Abigail Adams, the wife of America’s second president and mother to the sixth. She was not only a “kissing mother,” full of tenderness and faith, but also a “scolding mother,” demanding virtue, discipline, and courage from her children. In her letters, she urged her son John Quincy Adams to seek greatness not through privilege, but through character. Her firmness forged in him the wisdom and restraint that would later guide a nation. It was love that scolded, and love that believed, and through that balance of strength and affection, she raised a leader. Buck’s words come alive in such examples: for the truest love, like Abigail’s, both nurtures and molds.

The “kissing mother” represents comfort, mercy, and unconditional acceptance. She is the soft light that assures the child, “You are loved, no matter what.” The “scolding mother” represents conscience, discipline, and foresight—the one who loves enough to say “no,” to demand better, to guard the soul against folly. Most mothers, as Buck reminds us, carry both spirits within them. They kiss to heal and scold to guide, each act a different expression of the same eternal devotion. For love that only soothes is incomplete, just as love that only corrects is cold. The perfect balance of both is what makes a mother’s love sacred.

This truth extends beyond mothers alone; it reflects the nature of all true love—that to truly care for another is to seek their growth, not their comfort alone. A teacher who challenges, a friend who speaks hard truths, a leader who disciplines—all embody this higher form of affection. As Buck teaches, love is not a feeling, but a commitment to another’s well-being. It demands courage—the courage to comfort and to correct, to embrace and to oppose when needed.

Let this, then, be the lesson passed to future generations: that love is not one note, but a harmony of many. To love well, we must learn both tenderness and strength, mercy and discipline. Let parents remember that their firmness, when born of care, is an act of love; and let children, in time, recognize that even the harshest words from a loving heart are blessings in disguise. To love is to shape, to protect, to lift—and sometimes, to restrain.

Thus, in the gentle wisdom of Pearl S. Buck, we find the eternal portrait of motherhood: not perfect, but divine in its imperfection. The mother who kisses teaches compassion; the mother who scolds teaches wisdom; and the mother who does both gives her children the greatest gift—a love that is whole, truthful, and enduring. For in every kiss and every correction, the same truth shines: love, in all its forms, is the hand that builds the soul.