Teenagers are asking, 'Who am I?' and 'How do I fit in?' in

Sarah MacLean, with the clarity of both writer and observer, declared: “Teenagers are asking, ‘Who am I?’ and ‘How do I fit in?’ in every aspect of their lives, and the best YA romances appreciate that there is more to a teen's life than finding love.” These words strike at the heart of adolescence, that turbulent passage between childhood and adulthood, when the soul is aflame with questions of identity and belonging. Love may play its part, but it is not the whole story. The deeper drama is the forging of the self, the discovery of one’s place in the vast tapestry of human existence.

The origin of this truth lies in the eternal questions that rise in the minds of the young. “Who am I?” is the cry of the soul seeking essence. “How do I fit in?” is the cry of the soul seeking community. These two questions form the twin pillars of youth, and they must be answered not only through romance, but through friendship, family, ambition, struggle, and self-discovery. MacLean reminds us that stories told to the young must respect this fullness. To reduce adolescence only to love is to diminish its grandeur; to honor all its struggles is to reflect life more truthfully.

The ancients recognized this journey of becoming. In the myths of Greece, heroes such as Telemachus, the son of Odysseus, embarked on quests not of romance, but of identity—seeking to know who they were and how they belonged to the larger world. In many traditions, initiation rites marked this passage, guiding the young through trials of courage, endurance, and wisdom. These stories were not only about love, but about finding the self amid the storm of youth. So too must modern tales of teenagers remember the breadth of their struggles.

Consider the life of Anne Frank, a girl who came of age not in the softness of ordinary youth but in the shadow of war. Her diary reveals the questions of identity and belonging in their rawest form: who she was, how she might be seen by the world, how she might fit into a life that seemed to deny her existence. Even in her confinement, she wrote of dreams, fears, and hopes, showing that the young seek more than love—they seek meaning, even in darkness.

MacLean’s wisdom also reminds us that literature shapes identity. A teenager who sees only shallow love stories may believe that their worth is tied solely to romance. But a teenager who reads stories of courage, friendship, creativity, resilience, and moral struggle sees that their life holds endless dimensions. The best YA romances, then, do not neglect love, but place it among the many fires of adolescence—burning alongside ambition, loyalty, justice, and the quest to know the self.

The lesson is clear: to understand teenagers, one must look beyond the surface. Parents, teachers, and storytellers must honor the real questions of youth, guiding them not only toward love but toward self-discovery, purpose, and belonging. If you are young, do not measure yourself by romance alone. Seek out what makes you strong, what makes you unique, what ties you to the world. Love will come, but identity and belonging will remain the foundation on which your whole life rests.

Practical wisdom follows: read widely, live curiously, and ask boldly, “Who am I?” and “Where do I fit in?” Create friendships that strengthen you, pursue passions that ignite you, and learn to stand firm even when you feel out of place. These are the true adventures of youth. Love, when it arrives, will be richer if it meets a self already forged and strong.

So, children of tomorrow, remember MacLean’s teaching: the path of youth is vast, filled with questions that echo like thunder. Do not confine it only to the search for romance, for you are greater than that. You are a soul in the making, a self in formation, a being destined to ask the most ancient of questions—Who am I, and how do I fit in? Answer them with courage, and you will step into adulthood not as one who merely loved, but as one who truly lived.