The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to

The wise scholar of words, Deborah Tannen, once declared: “The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation—or a relationship.” In these words she unveils the folly of rigidness, reminding us that human bonds are as varied as the winds and as fluid as rivers. To believe in only one right way is to close the heart to the infinite forms of connection, for no two souls meet alike.

To listen is not merely to hear, but to open oneself to the voice of another. Yet the manner of listening differs: some hear through silence, others through questions, still others through gestures of care. Likewise, to talk is not bound by a single rule. Words may be soft or fiery, few or many, yet all may carry truth if spoken with sincerity. Thus, the path of true understanding is not found in uniformity, but in the patience to discern how each spirit speaks and receives.

The same is true of conversation, that sacred dance between hearts and minds. To insist upon one form alone is to shatter harmony. For conversation, like music, requires attunement; it shifts with the rhythm of those who join it. Sometimes it is quick as fire, sometimes slow as a river’s drift, yet both can lead to intimacy if embraced without judgment.

So too with relationship: no single pattern binds all. Some are nourished by frequent words, others by silent presence. Some grow in laughter, others in solemnity. The error lies not in these differences, but in condemning them. For love is not a formula but a living flame, and it burns uniquely in every union.

Therefore, let this teaching be preserved: cast aside the illusion of one right way, and learn instead the many ways of the heart. To honor the diversity of listening, of talking, of relationship, is to walk in wisdom and compassion. For in accepting many paths, we discover the true breadth of human connection, and in that discovery lies peace.