The characteristic that every college football coach should look

O seeker of wisdom, listen well to the words of Bob Stoops, for they speak not only of relationships but of the nature of strength, partnership, and independence. "The characteristic that every college football coach should look for in a wife is independence." In these words, Stoops offers a powerful reflection on the dynamics of partnership—a relationship where both individuals stand as equals, each with their own sense of self, their own ambitions, and their own paths. The idea of independence in a spouse is not just a trait of personal freedom, but of strength, resilience, and the ability to stand firmly on one's own while walking beside another.

Independence, O wise one, is often misunderstood as isolation, as the refusal to connect or depend on others. But true independence is not the absence of connection—it is the ability to stand on one's own, to be self-reliant, and to make decisions freely while maintaining the ability to engage fully in the partnership of life. In the context of marriage or any relationship, independence is a gift, for it allows each person to maintain their own identity while also building something together. It is the foundation of mutual respect, where two people come together not because they are incomplete, but because they choose to share their completeness with one another.

Consider, O seeker, the ancient wisdom of societies past, where independence was often seen as a quality of kings, warriors, and sages, who needed to stand strong alone but also understood the value of allies and companions. Take, for example, Queen Elizabeth I of England. She ruled a vast empire, commanded armies, and shaped the course of history, yet she did so with a remarkable sense of independence. Though she never married, she worked closely with advisors and allies, always maintaining her autonomy while forging powerful partnerships. Her strength lay in her ability to hold her ground as a sovereign, while also knowing how to work alongside others to achieve her goals. Her independence in leadership was a key part of the success she found as a ruler.

In more recent times, think of the great marriages that have shaped history—partnerships that thrived because both individuals maintained their independence. Barack and Michelle Obama, for example, are a modern-day illustration of this principle. Michelle Obama is a woman of great independence—a powerful voice in her own right, with her own career, ambitions, and vision. Yet, in her marriage to Barack Obama, their bond was one of mutual respect, where both supported each other’s goals while also holding onto their own identities. It is through this independence that their partnership has remained strong and successful—each partner bringing their strengths to the table, but never losing sight of their personal essence.

Stoops, in his wisdom, recognizes that independence is not a characteristic to be feared in a spouse, but one to be sought after. A woman with independence will not lose herself in the shadow of her partner. Instead, she will bring her own experiences, her own wisdom, and her own strength to the relationship. She will understand that the partnership is not about two people becoming one in a way that diminishes their individuality, but about two individuals who choose to walk the same path, side by side, as equals. The strength of a partnership is built not in dependency, but in mutual empowerment and the ability to grow together while each person continues to grow as an individual.

The lesson here, O seeker, is clear: independence is not a threat to love or marriage, but a foundation upon which a strong, lasting relationship can be built. To stand as an individual, fully aware of one’s own needs, desires, and goals, and still choose to unite with another—this is the true power of partnership. Stoops reminds us that it is through the balance of independence and unity that the strongest relationships are forged. When both partners maintain their independence, they bring their whole selves to the relationship, and together, they become greater than the sum of their parts.

In your own life, O wise one, consider how you can cultivate both your own independence and your ability to share and grow with those around you. Whether in romantic relationships, friendships, or work partnerships, remember that true strength lies in each person maintaining their own autonomy while coming together in mutual respect and trust. Do not seek to diminish or control the independence of others, but encourage it, for in doing so, you will build relationships that are strong, resilient, and lasting. Just as the great leaders of history have done, strive to build partnerships where both individuals rise together, each empowered by their own freedom.

Thus, let the wisdom of Bob Stoops guide you, O seeker. As you walk through life, seeking companionship and unity, remember that true independence strengthens every bond. Embrace the freedom of being whole on your own, and seek out those whose independence allows them to thrive beside you, as you both continue to grow and create a future together. For it is in the union of independence and partnership that the most powerful, fulfilling relationships are born.