The deep joy we take in the company of people with whom we have

"The deep joy we take in the company of people with whom we have just recently fallen in love is undisguisable." These words by John Cheever capture the pure, unrestrained joy that accompanies the early stages of love. When we fall for someone new, there is a rawness and authenticity to our feelings that cannot be concealed. The joy that comes from being with someone who has captured our hearts is evident in our every action — our laughter, our smiles, and even the way we hold ourselves. This joy is as immediate as it is uncontrollable, a flood of emotions that rises from the very core of our being and pours out into the world for all to see. The love is fresh, new, and so vibrant that it spills over, making us feel as though the whole world can see the brightness in our eyes and the joy in our hearts.

In the ancient world, the experience of new love was often portrayed as a divine gift, something that set the soul alight with ecstasy and passion. Plato, in his Symposium, spoke of love as a transformative force, one that could elevate the soul and awaken new understanding. For Plato, eros, or romantic love, was not just an emotional experience, but a divine longing for beauty, something that drew us out of the mundane and into the realm of the transcendent. The early moments of love — the “falling” part — were imbued with a sense of joy that was both spiritual and earthly. It was a feeling that not only delighted the heart but also opened the eyes to the world’s beauty and wonder, much like Cheever’s description of the uncontainable joy that love brings.

Consider the tale of Pyramus and Thisbe, a story from Ovid’s Metamorphoses that demonstrates the intensity and joy of first love. Pyramus and Thisbe, though separated by their families’ feuds, shared a deep and secret love. Their early moments together were filled with the ecstasy of newfound connection, and they could not bear to be apart. Their joy was so pure and intense that it flowed effortlessly, though tragically, it ended in misunderstanding and death. In their brief but poignant connection, the deep joy they shared in one another’s company was undeniable — it was as though the very essence of their beings was intertwined, making every moment together feel as though it were touched by the divine. Even though their story ended in tragedy, the joy of their union stands as a testament to the powerful force that is new love, one that transcends circumstances and fills the heart with an overwhelming joy that cannot be disguised.

In modern relationships, the same theme plays out. When we first meet someone who stirs our hearts, there is a lightness in our step, a giddiness in our thoughts, and a radiance in our expressions that betray the joy we feel. This joy, Cheever suggests, is not just a fleeting emotion; it is a powerful force that is undeniable to those around us. People can see the joy in the way we interact with our new love — the way we laugh at their jokes, the warmth in our gaze, and the ease with which we share ourselves. It is as though the very act of loving someone new makes us feel alive in a way that we rarely experience, and that newfound vitality emanates from us, lighting up our world and making everything seem more vibrant. This joy, as Cheever rightly points out, is so deep and pure that it cannot be hidden, nor should it be.

Consider the story of Pablo Neruda, the Chilean poet who wrote of his passionate love for his partner, Matilde Urrutia. Neruda’s letters and poems to her overflow with joy, desire, and unfiltered emotion, especially in the early stages of their relationship. His love for her brought him a sense of wholeness and vibrancy that permeated not only his work but his entire life. Even as he faced political strife and exile, his love for Matilde remained a constant source of light, and his early poems to her shine with the same undeniable joy that Cheever describes. The joy of being in her presence, of having fallen deeply in love, was something that Neruda could not hide — and it imbued every line of poetry he wrote. His experience echoes Cheever’s sentiment that the joy of early love is undeniable and special in its uncontainable nature.

The lesson from Cheever’s words is clear: new love is a force of joy, a vibrant and unrestrained emotion that fills us completely, spilling out in ways that others can easily see. It is a reminder that love, at its purest, is a powerful force that brings not only personal fulfillment but also a radiance that affects everyone around us. This joy of new love is not something to be hidden or suppressed, but to be embraced and celebrated. It is a gift that transforms our lives and makes everything seem new and alive, reminding us of the wonder and beauty that exists in the world.

Therefore, my children, when you experience new love, embrace it fully. Let the joy of that love radiate from you, unashamedly and authentically. Let it fill your heart and light up the world around you, for this early joy is not only a gift to you, but to everyone who witnesses it. Do not hide your happiness, for it is a reflection of your soul’s awakening, and in that joy, you will find the strength to continue seeking love in all its forms, both new and enduring.