The essence of true friendship is to make allowance for another's

“The essence of true friendship is to make allowance for another’s little lapses.” Thus wrote David Storey, a playwright and novelist whose art captured the subtleties of human emotion, the quiet struggles of dignity, and the fragile bonds that hold people together. In these few words, Storey reveals a wisdom that transcends time and place—a truth known to philosophers, poets, and saints alike: that friendship is not sustained by perfection, but by forgiveness. It is not in flawless behavior that love endures, but in the gentle art of understanding the flaws of others. For to be human is to err, and to be a friend is to love even through those errors.

The origin of this thought lies in the profound insight of one who observed the ordinary lives of men and women—their pride, their tenderness, their failures, and their quiet acts of grace. Storey’s characters, like all of us, stumble and contradict themselves. Yet through compassion, they find connection. To “make allowance for another’s little lapses” means to see beyond a friend’s faults, to recognize that mistakes do not erase goodness, and that a moment’s weakness does not define a person’s heart. It is to measure friendship not by the moments of harmony, but by the mercy extended when harmony breaks.

In this, Storey speaks the same truth that the ancients taught. The Stoics called it forbearance—the ability to remain calm and kind when others fall short. The Christians named it charity, the love that “covers a multitude of sins.” And even before them, the philosopher Aristotle described perfect friendship as that between good men who wish each other well, but who also understand that virtue is a journey, not a fixed state. For no man, however noble, is free from error. To be a true friend is to accept this with grace—to correct without cruelty, to forgive without resentment.

Consider the friendship of Samuel Johnson and James Boswell, one of the most famous in literary history. Johnson was known for his sharp tongue, his impatience, and his sometimes overbearing ways. Boswell, by contrast, was often insecure and foolish in his ambitions. Many times, their differences clashed; yet their bond endured. Boswell admired Johnson’s intellect but forgave his temper; Johnson saw Boswell’s vanity but cherished his loyalty. They each made allowance for the other’s lapses, and in that tolerance, they found the lasting warmth of genuine friendship. Their story endures not because they were perfect companions, but because they were patient and honest ones.

This wisdom also reminds us of our own fragility. We, too, will fail those we love. We will speak in haste, forget a kindness, neglect a duty. When this happens, we hope for understanding, not condemnation. Therefore, we must give what we wish to receive. The heart that can forgive small failings is the heart that will never be lonely, for it builds bridges where others build walls. The essence of friendship, then, is not equality of virtue, but equality of compassion—a mutual willingness to say, “I know your flaws, and still I choose you.”

Yet this forgiveness does not mean blindness. To make allowance is not to excuse cruelty or to ignore harm. It is to distinguish between the little lapses—the careless words, the moments of pride, the temporary forgetfulness—and the greater betrayals that wound trust. True friendship does not condone wrongdoing; it guides the erring friend back to the path of goodness, as a shepherd leads a straying lamb. For love that corrects without condemning is the highest kind of love—a love that refines both giver and receiver.

Let this be the lesson: patience and mercy are the pillars of enduring friendship. When your friend falters, do not weigh their worth by a single misstep. Remember the long journey you have walked together, the laughter shared, the loyalty proven. Speak the truth gently; forgive quickly; and if possible, forget the offense altogether. For friendships are not fragile glass to be shattered by every imperfection—they are living things, strengthened by care, watered by forgiveness, and rooted in empathy.

In the end, Storey’s words remind us of a simple, timeless truth: that the bond between souls is not maintained by constant perfection, but by understanding. To be a true friend is to see the divine spark even in another’s shadow, to believe that love is greater than failure. So walk through life with open eyes and an open heart. Make room for others’ lapses, and they will make room for yours. Thus will your friendships not merely endure—but blossom into something sacred, a mirror of the mercy that sustains all human love.