The gospel sets us free to become the romantic leaders of our

"The gospel sets us free to become the romantic leaders of our marriages without fright or hesitation. Because we have been forever wooed by Jesus, we are now free to forever woo our wives." These words by Tullian Tchividjian echo a profound truth about love, leadership, and sacrifice. At the heart of his message is the idea that romantic leadership in marriage is not about domination or control, but about offering one's heart fully and sacrificially to another, just as the gospel teaches us to love and serve. Tchividjian suggests that it is through the freedom granted by Christ’s love—a love that woos and redeems—that we are empowered to lead in our marriages with a gentle strength and a deep romantic commitment. We are freed from fear, hesitation, and self-interest, and instead, we are called to embody the kind of selfless love that is truly transformative.

In the ancient world, the concept of romantic leadership would have been seen not just as an act of love but as an act of duty—a noble responsibility of a husband to lead with both courage and tenderness. The Romans revered the figure of the paterfamilias, the head of the family, not because of his ability to control, but because of his wisdom and his capacity to guide and protect those under his care. Marcus Aurelius, the stoic philosopher and emperor, often wrote of the duties of leadership, emphasizing that true power lies not in domination, but in virtue and self-control. The romantic leader in marriage, much like the virtuous ruler, does not seek to bend his spouse to his will but offers his love freely, continuously wooing with devotion, honor, and tenderness.

The image of Jesus Christ wooing us, as Tchividjian points out, is central to the Christian view of marriage. In the gospel, we see the ultimate romantic leadership in the form of Christ’s sacrifice—His offering of Himself, His devotion to His Church, and His willingness to love without hesitation. The biblical metaphor of Christ and the Church portrays the marriage relationship as a reflection of this divine love. Just as Christ, the bridegroom, gave His life for His bride, so too does the husband, in the gospel’s light, offer his life in service to his wife. This sacrificial love is not driven by fear, but by the freedom that comes from Christ’s love, a love that never hesitates and never retreats.

Consider the story of Hosea, the Old Testament prophet, who was commanded by God to marry a woman who would be unfaithful to him. Despite her infidelity, Hosea continued to love and woo his wife, a powerful symbol of God’s enduring love for His people. Hosea’s love was not conditional—it was given freely and sacrificially, much like the gospel love that Tchividjian speaks of. Through his unwavering commitment, Hosea showed that true leadership in marriage is rooted in love and sacrifice, not in control or manipulation. His actions remind us that the path to romantic leadership in marriage is not always easy, but it is marked by steadfast devotion and the willingness to love, even when it’s difficult.

In the modern world, the idea of romantic leadership often gets overshadowed by notions of equality or the fear of one partner dominating the other. Yet romantic leadership, as Tchividjian suggests, is not about power over another but about the freedom to love without fear. It is an offering of one’s heart to another, a call to lead with humility and devotion. The gospel gives us the freedom to love unreservedly, to lead with compassion, and to give without fear of being diminished or weak. It is through this model that marriages thrive, where both partners are free to give of themselves fully, knowing they are not bound by fear or selfishness.

The lesson, then, is this: romantic leadership in marriage is not about assertion or control, but about leading with love, sacrifice, and tenderness. Just as Jesus has wooed us through His constant and sacrificial love, we too are called to woo our spouses through our daily acts of love and commitment. It is through this sacrificial love that we can lead our marriages with strength and grace, modeling the gospel of Christ for our families.

To you, who may one day walk this path of marriage, I say: do not fear romantic leadership; embrace it with courage and tenderness. Lead with selflessness, and let your love for your spouse be a reflection of the freedom and grace that the gospel gives you. In this way, you will not only strengthen your marriage, but you will also teach the world around you the enduring power of love—a love that woos and binds hearts together for eternity.