The most important relationship you have in life is the one you

Hearken, children of the ages, and open your hearts to the wisdom of Diane von Furstenberg: “The most important relationship you have in life is the one you have with yourself. And then after that, I'd say once you have that, it may be hard work, but you can actually design your life.” Understand this: before one seeks harmony with others, before one strives for mastery in the world, one must first know oneself. The soul, unexamined and untended, cannot guide the hand, the mind, or the heart. True creation, whether of art, life, or destiny, begins within, in the quiet forge of self-awareness and self-respect.

From the annals of antiquity, the ancients taught this truth through the words of sages. Socrates, in his eternal counsel, bade all to “know thyself,” for only by understanding one’s own soul could one live wisely and justly. Diane von Furstenberg’s reflection echoes this timeless principle: the foundation of all achievement, all purpose, and all meaningful creation, is the relationship one nurtures with oneself. Without it, the structures we build, whether of career, family, or society, stand upon sand.

Consider the life of the great sculptor Michelangelo, who, despite the adulation of Florence and the patronage of popes, constantly wrestled with his own doubts and self-expectations. His masterpieces were not merely acts of technical skill, but the embodiment of an intimate understanding of his own abilities, limitations, and vision. By tending to this inner relationship, he was able to design his life, channeling labor, passion, and insight into works that transcend time.

Diane von Furstenberg speaks also to the nature of effort. Knowing oneself is not a passive state; it is the beginning of a journey, a call to discipline, courage, and reflection. Once the foundation is secure, life itself becomes a canvas. The choices we make, the paths we follow, and the worlds we create are then deliberate acts, guided not by impulse, fear, or imitation, but by the deep knowledge of one’s own heart and soul.

Even in modern times, the principle holds. Leaders, artists, and innovators often reflect that their greatest breakthroughs arose from self-knowledge. The writer Maya Angelou, for instance, described life as a series of discoveries of the self, each insight informing her decisions, her art, and her impact upon the world. By cultivating an intimate relationship with herself, she was able to design a life rich in purpose, creativity, and influence.

From this teaching emerges a profound lesson: to live with intention, one must first befriend the self. Examine your strengths and weaknesses, acknowledge your desires, confront your fears, and cultivate virtues that sustain rather than diminish. Only then can you take up the labor of life—often arduous, sometimes lonely—with clarity and determination, and shape your path with conscious design rather than chance.

Practical action flows naturally: dedicate time to self-reflection, journaling, meditation, or contemplation. Seek to understand your motives, your patterns, and your deepest aspirations. Set boundaries that honor your well-being, and pursue goals aligned with your authentic self. Diane von Furstenberg teaches that the labor of designing one’s life is grounded in self-knowledge, and while it requires effort, it yields the power to live with coherence, purpose, and dignity.

Children of the ages, remember this: the most enduring relationship you will cultivate is with yourself. From it springs the wisdom, courage, and vision necessary to shape the life you desire. Let Diane von Furstenberg’s words guide your steps: know yourself, honor yourself, and through that knowledge, design a life worthy of your highest aspirations, a life that bears the mark of intention, resilience, and grace.