The parenting books didn't work for me; I got my parenting

Hearken, O children of generations yet to be, and lend ear to the candid words of Sonali Bendre, who reflects upon the sacred labor of raising the young: “The parenting books didn't work for me; I got my parenting lessons from everything but the books! And it was about figuring things out. So every time I had a thought, I would put down my conclusions and thoughts.” In these words lies a truth as enduring as the dawn of human teaching: that the art of parenting is learned not solely from instruction, but from observation, reflection, and lived experience, where each challenge and triumph imparts wisdom.

The origin of this reflection rests in Bendre’s own life, navigating the intricate, unpredictable, and intimate world of guiding her children. She acknowledges the limits of conventional wisdom, the books, and manuals, recognizing that real learning emerges from engagement with reality, not from prescribed formulas. Every moment of doubt, insight, or experiment becomes a teacher, and every reflection, a lantern illuminating the path forward. Her practice of recording thoughts mirrors the ancient tradition of scholars and sages, who documented reflection as a means to cultivate wisdom.

The meaning of her words is both subtle and profound. Parenting is less about adhering to rules and more about active reflection, discernment, and responsiveness. The child, ever evolving, presents new questions and challenges, requiring the parent to think, observe, and adapt continually. Bendre emphasizes the power of self-awareness and journaling, transforming the act of reflection into a deliberate exercise of insight, ensuring that each lesson is captured, understood, and applied with intention.

Consider the example of Jean-Jacques Rousseau, whose treatise Emile sought to capture the philosophy of raising a child by observing, experimenting, and reflecting rather than imposing rigid rules. Rousseau’s approach, like Bendre’s practice of writing thoughts, emphasizes that parenting is a living art, where understanding grows through attentive engagement with the child and with oneself. The wisdom of experience, when documented and reflected upon, becomes an enduring guide for the parent and for generations yet to come.

Bendre’s words also carry a subtle admonition: books and instruction alone are insufficient for the demands of raising a child. Human intuition, insight, and reflection are indispensable. To rely solely upon manuals is to ignore the nuances of personality, circumstance, and emotion that define each child. The parent becomes a student of life, learning from successes, missteps, and everyday experiences, while cultivating a practice of observation, analysis, and application.

The lesson for future generations is radiant: trust the process of figuring things out, guided by reflection and the recording of insights. Embrace the uncertainty and imperfection inherent in parenting, and recognize that wisdom arises from engagement, adaptation, and contemplation. In documenting thoughts and conclusions, the parent creates a living repository of understanding, a compass for both present and future challenges.

In practical life, one may follow Bendre’s counsel by cultivating reflection, observation, and journaling. Record lessons learned, analyze choices, and consider the outcomes of decisions with honesty and curiosity. Allow each interaction with the child to teach, and treat each reflection as a guidepost for growth. Through this process, parenting becomes not a burden, but a journey of insight, refinement, and love.

Thus, O children of future ages, carry this teaching as both lamp and mirror: the wisdom of parenting emerges not from books alone, but from observation, reflection, and active engagement. Record your thoughts, learn from life, and adapt with courage and intention. In this practice lies the enduring path to understanding, the cultivation of insight, and the shaping of young souls who inherit the wisdom, love, and discernment of their elders.