The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure

“The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you're in control of your life. If you don't, life controls you.” — Thus spoke Tony Robbins, the modern philosopher of will and transformation, whose voice has awakened the sleeping power of countless souls. His words are a torch held aloft in the fog of human struggle, reminding us that life’s forces — pain and pleasure — are not our masters but our servants, if only we learn how to wield them. This teaching, though spoken in the language of our time, carries the eternal wisdom of the ancients: that mastery begins not in the conquest of the world, but in the conquest of the self.

For every man and woman walks through life guided by these twin forces — the pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of pain. They are the invisible hands shaping every choice, every dream, every fear. Yet most people, unmindful of this truth, drift like leaves upon the wind, blown wherever pain and pleasure lead them. They chase comfort, flee discomfort, and call it living. But Robbins teaches another way — the way of mastery, where one learns to use these forces rather than be ruled by them. The one who understands pain as a teacher and pleasure as a guide stands at the helm of their destiny, steering through storms with unshakable direction.

To use pain and pleasure is to transform them into tools of power. Pain, when embraced with wisdom, becomes the fire that tempers character; pleasure, when understood rightly, becomes the reward that sustains effort. The weak are those who seek only ease, for they run from pain and thus from growth. The strong are those who face pain willingly, knowing that every wound can become a lesson, and every challenge a doorway to greatness. As the blacksmith’s hammer shapes the sword, so does pain shape the soul. And pleasure, when aligned with purpose, becomes not indulgence but inspiration — the golden promise that gives meaning to the struggle.

Consider the story of Nelson Mandela, who spent twenty-seven years imprisoned, stripped of freedom and comfort. To most, that would have been pure pain. Yet Mandela did not let that suffering use him — he used it. He turned his pain into patience, his isolation into reflection, his endurance into moral strength. When he emerged from the prison gates, he was no longer merely a man — he was a symbol of forgiveness and power. He understood Robbins’ truth before it was spoken: that when you learn to harness pain, you become unbreakable, and when you direct pleasure toward noble ends, you become unstoppable.

This wisdom is as old as humanity itself. The Stoics of ancient Greece and Rome — Epictetus, Seneca, and Marcus Aurelius — taught that pain is not an evil but a test, and that one’s reactions, not one’s circumstances, determine freedom. They trained their minds to endure hardship with calm and to find joy in virtue, not indulgence. Their philosophy, like Robbins’, was the art of control — not of the outer world, but of the inner forces that govern every thought and emotion. He who masters pain and pleasure, they said, masters fate itself.

And yet, how few learn this lesson. Most live as captives of craving and fear — seeking comfort, avoiding struggle, and wondering why their lives lack meaning. They mistake the easy path for the good one and flee from the very challenges meant to awaken them. Robbins’ words call us to awaken, to reclaim our birthright as creators of destiny. Pain will come, pleasure will fade, but the one who learns to channel both stands free. They no longer say, “Life happens to me,” but “I shape my life.” This is the secret of success — the mastery of emotion, the discipline of thought, and the courage to grow where others retreat.

So, my child, let this teaching guide you. When pain visits you, do not curse it — use it. Ask what it is trying to teach you, and let it sharpen your will. When pleasure comes, do not be consumed by it — direct it. Let it fuel your purpose, not your vanity. Train your heart as a warrior trains his blade — to endure, to adapt, to rise. For if you do not rule your feelings, they will rule you. But if you master them, you will find within yourself a strength beyond circumstance, a freedom untouched by fortune or fate.

For in the end, as Tony Robbins reveals, life is not about escaping pain or chasing pleasure — it is about transforming both into wisdom and power. Those who do so walk as kings and queens among men. They are not tossed by the winds of fortune, for they have become the wind. They do not fear what may come, for they know that whatever life brings, it will serve their growth. This is the path of mastery, the secret of success, and the essence of living: to be not the servant of pain and pleasure, but their master, and through that mastery, to become truly, gloriously alive.