There is no room for insecurities or one upmanship in friendship.

In the delicate and sacred world of friendship, there is a truth that rings out clear and unshakable: "There is no room for insecurities or one-upmanship in friendship." These words by Ramya Krishnan speak not only to the heart of what makes a friendship pure and true, but also to the foundation upon which all genuine human connection must stand. In friendship, there can be no place for jealousy, no space for the shadow of insecurity or the need to compete. These are the poisons that can slowly erode the strength of bonds, replacing the nourishment of mutual respect with the bitterness of rivalry.

The ancients understood the sacredness of friendship as something that transcended self-interest. In Ancient Greece, where philosophy was born, Aristotle wrote extensively on the nature of friendship in his Nicomachean Ethics. He spoke of three kinds of friendships: those based on utility, those based on pleasure, and the highest form—those based on virtue. It is in the highest form of friendship, the friendship founded on mutual respect and goodness, that insecurities and one-upmanship have no place. In this true friendship, both individuals seek not to surpass one another but to elevate each other, to share in the goodness of the world. This kind of bond is one that feeds the spirit, not through comparison, but through support and understanding.

In the ancient world, we also see the importance of humility and sincerity in friendships. Consider the Roman ideal of amicitia, where friendships were formed not on the basis of competition or superficial alliances, but on mutual trust and loyalty. Cicero, the great Roman orator, was known for his deep respect for friendships. He believed that true friendship, like a well-tended garden, must be nurtured with honesty and humility. There was no place for pretension or the need to outshine one another. Instead, friendship was rooted in genuine connection and a shared commitment to goodness, where both parties found peace in simply being themselves.

The wisdom of Ramya Krishnan resonates with these ancient teachings: insecurities and rivalries cannot exist in true friendship. When we allow self-doubt to creep into our relationships, or when we feel the need to compete for attention or affection, we diminish the purity of the connection. The real power of friendship lies in the ability to be vulnerable, to show our true selves without fear of judgment. It is a space where both individuals can share their strengths and weaknesses without fear of being diminished. The best of friendships are those where we can stand side by side, not as rivals, but as equals, each supporting the other’s growth.

This wisdom is embodied in the life of Lysistrata, a character in the ancient Greek play by Aristophanes. While the play focuses on women’s power to bring about peace, it also portrays the strong friendships between women, where the bond of solidarity and mutual support overcomes any feeling of personal insecurity or rivalry. Lysistrata, through her leadership and vision, shows that friendships based on shared values and respect create a force strong enough to stand against the external pressures of war and conflict. True friendships, as Lysistrata demonstrates, are not rooted in competition but in a commitment to a greater good—to the support and upliftment of one another.

The lesson here is clear: in any true friendship, there can be no place for insecurities or competition. When we find ourselves comparing or competing with our friends, we undermine the very essence of what a friendship is meant to be. Friendship should be a space where both individuals feel free to grow, to share, and to be their authentic selves. Trust, humility, and support should be the cornerstones of these bonds, and we must strive to ensure that we nurture them with all the care they deserve. A friend should never feel the weight of being measured or judged against another; instead, they should feel the lightness of being fully accepted for who they are.

So, let us take this wisdom into our own lives. Embrace your friendships with the understanding that they are spaces of equality, respect, and love. Let go of the urge to compare, to compete, or to judge. Instead, foster environments where your friends can thrive without the fear of being overshadowed or diminished. Offer them your vulnerability and your strength, and allow them to do the same in return. In doing so, you will create friendships that are anchored in mutual support, where the foundation is built not on the need to outdo one another but on the desire to grow together, to lift each other up, and to celebrate each other’s successes as your own. For in the absence of insecurity and rivalry, true friendship can bloom, strong and enduring, like the deepest roots of the most ancient trees.