There's something about marriage that is not as intensely

In the words of John Sandford, "There's something about marriage that is not as intensely romantic or interesting as a couple's first meeting," we are invited to reflect on the nature of love and the evolution of a relationship over time. Sandford’s insight speaks to the universal truth that the early stages of love are often marked by intense passion, mystery, and excitement, while the stability and familiarity of marriage—though deeply meaningful—often lose that spark of initial romance. The first meeting of a couple, filled with the thrill of discovery and the promise of something new, is a moment of profound intensity. But as time passes and the relationship settles into routine, the initial energy of those early days can give way to a more grounded, yet sometimes less dramatic, connection.

In the ancient world, this tension between the romantic beginning and the enduring commitment of marriage was well understood. The Greek myths are filled with stories of love’s beginning—of the chase, the allure, the spark of attraction that leads to union. Zeus and Hera, for instance, were bound in marriage, but the story of their union was not as steeped in romance as the early days of love that Paris and Helen shared. The Trojan War itself, a result of their love, began with the fateful meeting that launched an entire saga of passion and betrayal. Yet, once they were married, Zeus and Hera's relationship became a complex web of power struggles, jealousy, and divine obligations, less romantic than their mythic courtship. This reflects Sandford’s idea that marriage, though a bond of great importance, may not always carry the intensity of the early, romantic stages of love.

The Romans too had a deep understanding of the transformation that love undergoes once it is solidified in marriage. The epic tale of Aeneas and Dido in Virgil’s Aeneid shows the intensity of early love, but the reality of their relationship is fraught with conflict and duty. Aeneas, despite his profound love for Dido, ultimately abandons her to fulfill his destiny of founding Rome, and the story turns tragic. Dido’s love, while intense and passionate at the start, is later overshadowed by Aeneas’s obligations to his people. This deep tension between romantic love and the responsibilities that come with marriage is echoed in Sandford’s reflection—initial romantic encounters can be filled with the energy of a new beginning, but as the relationship matures, it is tested by the demands of life, duties, and expectations.

In Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, the couple's love burns with a fiery intensity, but the subsequent marriage, which occurs almost immediately, does not carry the same thrill. Their marriage, like many others, is not the culmination of their romantic passion, but the result of their desperate desire to escape their family conflicts. The tragic nature of their love story speaks to the fragility of intense passion in the face of the realities that relationships often bring. This idea of the loss of initial romance in favor of more pragmatic concerns was something the ancients explored often—love, while initially powerful and captivating, can lose its mystique when tempered by the practicalities and struggles of life, which often emerge once the initial flame has burned bright.

The lesson that Sandford’s reflection offers is that romantic love is often defined by its initial intensity—by the discovery of a new person and the spark of attraction that accompanies those early moments of connection. But marriage, as it matures, requires more than the excitement of novelty. It demands patience, understanding, and a commitment that goes beyond the immediate thrills of romantic passion. This transition from romantic love to a deeper, more enduring form of connection is something that has been explored throughout human history. True love, the kind that lasts, is not sustained by constant intensity, but by the shared experiences, struggles, and quiet moments that build a strong foundation over time.

In your own life, take time to appreciate both the romantic and the steady aspects of relationships. Understand that while the first meeting may be filled with excitement and discovery, it is the commitment and growth that follow which will define the depth of the relationship. Marriage or long-term commitment is not about the constant romantic intensity but about creating a bond that can weather the storms and quiet periods of life. Recognize that the love that is built over time—through shared memories, struggles, and moments of understanding—is just as valuable, if not more so, than the initial spark. In your own relationships, cultivate not just the romance, but the companionship, the support, and the commitment that come with enduring love. Remember that the romantic thrill of the beginning may fade, but the truth of your bond lies in what you build together once the intensity has quieted.