To all those mothers and fathers who are struggling with

Marian Wright Edelman, the fierce advocate for children and families, spoke with wisdom when she said: “To all those mothers and fathers who are struggling with teen-agers, I say, just be patient: even though it looks like you can't do anything right for a number of years, parents become popular again when kids reach 20.” Her words are not merely consolation but a profound recognition of the cycles of family life. In adolescence, children often pull away, rebelling, resisting, and declaring independence. Yet in time, maturity softens defiance, and the once-rejected parent becomes a trusted counselor once again.

The origin of this quote rests in Edelman’s lifelong work as founder of the Children’s Defense Fund, where she bore witness to countless struggles of parents and children. She knew the truth of the teenage years: that they are a crucible of identity, filled with friction between generations. Her counsel is not to despair during these fiery years, but to endure them with patience, trusting that love will bear fruit when the storm of youth passes.

History offers us many echoes of this truth. Consider the relationship of John Adams and his son John Quincy Adams. In his youth, John Quincy resisted his father’s guidance, feeling the burden of expectations. He often questioned, even resisted, the stern voice of the elder Adams. Yet with time, and with the shaping hand of maturity, the son came to honor and rely upon the wisdom of his father, eventually following in his footsteps as President. What once felt like friction became respect, as the distance of adolescence gave way to the bond of shared destiny.

Edelman’s words remind us that adolescence is a battlefield of independence. The young seek to test their wings, to push against boundaries, and in doing so, they often make their parents seem enemies rather than allies. But this stage is not permanent; it is the necessary tension that forges adults out of children. Just as iron is hammered in fire before it becomes a sword, so too must youth pass through rebellion before wisdom returns.

To parents, this teaching is a call to endurance. When every word you speak is challenged, when every effort is misunderstood, hold fast. Do not mistake rejection for lack of love. Know that deep within, your children are listening, storing your guidance even when they will not admit it. With time, those words will reemerge, and the bond will be stronger for having been tested.

To children, the lesson is equally profound. Know that your parents, though flawed, are the guardians of wisdom gained through trial. Do not cast aside their counsel too quickly. For while it is natural to seek your own path, it is folly to scorn the compass that can point you away from needless sorrow. And when you reach the age of reflection, remember to turn back with gratitude to those who endured your storms with patience.

The enduring lesson is that love is stronger than rebellion, and patience stronger than pride. Families must walk through seasons of distance, but time heals, and the bond returns renewed. Therefore, let parents hold their ground with kindness, and let children remember that independence need not mean rejection. In this balance lies the secret of harmony across generations.

Thus Edelman speaks like a mother to all parents of the earth: do not despair in the season of struggle, for dawn follows night, and the heart that strays will one day return. Be patient, be steadfast, and trust that love will bring your children home again — not as rebels, but as companions in the long journey of life.