To be completely woman you need a master, and in him a compass

Marlene Dietrich, the actress, singer, and icon of another age, once declared: “To be completely woman you need a master, and in him a compass for your life. You need a man you can look up to and respect. If you dethrone him it’s no wonder that you are discontented, and discontented women are not loved for long.” These words, spoken in a time when roles between men and women were drawn with sharper lines, echo with controversy and complexity. Yet beneath them lies a reflection not only on gender, but on the ancient human hunger for guidance, respect, and balance within relationships.

The origin of this saying rests in Dietrich’s own life and times. She lived in the early and mid-twentieth century, when traditional ideas of men as protectors and women as followers still shaped much of society. In this context, her words reveal a view that many women of her generation carried: that fulfillment in love comes from admiration and respect for a strong partner who can act as a compass. To Dietrich, the absence of such admiration leads to discontent, and discontent corrodes intimacy. Whether one agrees or not, her quote reflects the enduring truth that relationships falter when respect is absent.

The ancients, too, spoke in such terms. In Greek writings, the harmony of the household depended upon order and respect between husband and wife. The Stoics spoke of the need for mutual roles in sustaining community, while the poets described love as a delicate balance of power, admiration, and desire. Though their language often placed men above women, their deeper lesson was this: a relationship without respect for one another’s place soon collapses. For what Dietrich called a “master” may in our age be better understood as a partner who embodies strength, direction, and honor.

Consider the story of Queen Victoria and Prince Albert. Though she was the sovereign of the British Empire, she confessed that Albert was her guide, her compass, her source of strength. She admired him so deeply that his early death left her in decades of mourning. Their love was not diminished by her power, nor his role beside her, for what bound them was respect. In their story we see Dietrich’s point made manifest: when a woman has a man she can look up to—not by domination, but by character—the relationship can thrive with harmony and devotion.

The lesson we draw is not bound by Dietrich’s old-world phrasing, but by the eternal truth that love must rest on respect. To admire one’s partner is to keep the flame alive; to hold contempt is to poison it. Discontent arises when admiration dies, whether between husband and wife, or between any two souls bound together. Thus, whether one agrees with Dietrich’s choice of the word “master” or not, the heart of her teaching remains: the compass of love is found in respect, and without it, love cannot endure.

Practical actions flow from this wisdom. In your relationships, seek not only passion, but admiration. Choose a partner whose character you can honor, and strive yourself to be worthy of honor in return. If you are a man, live in such a way that strength and integrity make you a compass for those who trust you. If you are a woman, or one who loves, give respect freely where it is deserved, and demand it in return. For a bond without respect soon weakens, but with respect, it can weather storms and outlast time itself.

Thus, O listeners, hear Dietrich’s words not as a command to bow, but as a reminder: love requires respect. If admiration dies, discontent follows, and with it the slow death of affection. Let every bond be built on reverence for the other’s worth. Then, whether in the old terms of master and muse, or in the modern tongue of partners and equals, the wisdom remains unchanged: respect is the compass, and without it, no heart finds its way.

And remember this: to love without respect is to build a house on sand, but to love with respect is to raise a temple that no storm can bring down. Respect is the root of lasting love.