To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup

The witty American poet Ogden Nash, master of playful rhymes that conceal timeless truths, once wrote:
“To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.”
Though humorous, these words carry wisdom as deep as the ancients. For Nash teaches here that the secret of marriage lies not in endless victories of argument, but in humility, patience, and the quiet art of yielding. What keeps the “loving cup” full is not triumph of will, but the soft strength of compromise and the grace of silence.

The meaning is clear: in marriage, both partners will err, and when they do, pride must not be allowed to harden the heart. To admit wrong is not weakness but strength, for it restores peace and keeps resentment from growing. But Nash goes further—he warns even against the arrogance of being right. To constantly prove oneself correct may win battles, but it will lose the war of love. Far better, he says with wit, to “shut up,” to let harmony prevail over the ego’s hunger for victory.

The origin of this wisdom is as old as human union itself. Ancient sages from East and West taught that harmony in the home is the root of happiness. Confucius urged humility in family life; the Stoics counseled patience and self-control. Nash, with his humor, gives the same counsel in a form that dances lightly upon the tongue yet strikes deeply upon the soul. For though his rhyme may make us laugh, his truth is unshakable: the strongest marriages are those where love is valued more than pride.

History itself provides testimony. Consider the long marriage of Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt. Their bond endured not because it was without trial—indeed, it faced betrayal, political pressure, and vast differences of temperament. Yet Eleanor, in her wisdom, often chose silence over quarrel, action over argument. Franklin, for all his faults, admitted when he had strayed. Their marriage was imperfect, yet it endured because both partners, in their own way, knew when to yield, when to apologize, and when to refrain from pressing a point too far. Their story is a living parable of Nash’s teaching.

The deeper wisdom is this: love does not thrive on being correct; it thrives on being kind. The greatest enemy of marriage is not error but pride—the unwillingness to admit wrong, the desire to always be right. Nash shows us that if we wish our marriages to remain full and joyful, we must sacrifice the fleeting victory of argument for the lasting treasure of peace. The one who always insists on being right will find themselves alone in their triumph, for love cannot survive under the tyranny of ego.

The lesson for us is both simple and profound. If you would keep your marriage brimming, practice humility when you fail, and practice restraint when you succeed. Do not seek to dominate with your wisdom, but to preserve harmony with your gentleness. For a marriage is not a battlefield where one wins and the other loses, but a journey where both must walk together, carrying each other’s burdens, forgiving each other’s flaws.

Practical wisdom flows from this: when wrong, speak quickly the words “I am sorry.” When right, resist the temptation to gloat or lecture; let silence preserve the dignity of your partner. Fill your days with kindness rather than criticism, with encouragement rather than correction. In doing so, you will keep the “loving cup” full, and your marriage will not merely survive, but flourish.

Thus, let the playful words of Ogden Nash be passed on as solemn counsel: to love well is to tame the tongue, to humble the heart, and to value peace above pride. For in marriage, it is not victory that sustains love, but humility, silence, and the daily pouring of gentleness into the cup you share.