Valentine's Day is the hardest day of the year for a woman to

"Valentine's Day is the hardest day of the year for a woman to get out, but everybody who is anybody and single is out that night." These words, spoken by Patti Stanger, highlight the inherent tension and contradictions that surround Valentine’s Day. The holiday, typically celebrated as a day for romantic love, becomes for many women a complicated and emotionally charged occasion. Stanger points to a paradox: while it can be difficult for a woman to face the pressure and expectations of Valentine’s Day without a romantic partner, it is also a night when those who are single are out in force, seeking connection, perhaps out of necessity, but also driven by the collective energy of a society that glorifies romantic love.

In the ancient world, the complexities of love and relationships were no less nuanced. The Greeks and Romans often celebrated love through festivals and rituals that honored eros, the god of romantic love, but they also recognized the social pressures and expectations that could arise from matters of the heart. Sappho, the ancient Greek poet, wrote about love and desire in ways that revealed both the joy and the anguish it could cause. She spoke of longing, passion, and heartache—feelings that are still central to the modern experience of love. The ancient world was keenly aware that love was not always simple or without its burdens, and these burdens often became most acute during celebrations of love, such as those that honored Eros.

The Romans too celebrated love in its many forms, but they were not unaware of the social weight that came with romantic expectations. Lupercalia, a festival of fertility and love, was both a joyous celebration and a deeply ritualistic event. Young couples were paired off, but those who were unpaired faced the reminder of their status. The festival was a reminder that, in the eyes of society, to be without a partner was to be outside the ideal of romantic love. Similarly, Valentine’s Day today can feel like an annual reminder of what many perceive as a personal failure: to be single in a world that often makes love seem like the ultimate achievement.

Stanger’s words also underscore the powerful influence of society on personal identity, particularly on Valentine’s Day. In today’s world, the expectations of the holiday extend far beyond the simple act of celebrating love. Commercialization has created an atmosphere where love is often defined by public displays and material expressions, like gifts and elaborate dinners. This pressure can be overwhelming, particularly for those who are single and feel the weight of being left out of the romantic spectacle. But as Stanger points out, those who are single on this day often respond by going out, seeking not just to fit in but to celebrate their independence, even in the face of societal expectations.

This is where the lesson becomes clear: Valentine’s Day is not about the outward symbols of love, but about authentic connection and acceptance. The ancient philosophers knew that true love is not always about fulfilling societal ideals, but about the deep connection one shares with others. Socrates often spoke of love as a pursuit of wisdom, where the heart's desire leads one to a greater understanding of self and others. In this light, Stanger’s reflection is a call to embrace love not just in its traditional forms, but in the full spectrum of human connection. Love is not confined to couples or public displays of affection, but to the shared moments and bonds we form with those around us—whether it’s with friends, family, or ourselves.

The ancients also understood that society’s norms can often lead to unnecessary suffering, especially when it comes to love. Homer’s Iliad presents the tragic love story of Achilles and Patroclus, where love, honor, and societal expectations intertwine to create a moment of devastating loss. Achilles’ grief over Patroclus’ death reveals how societal pressures on love and honor can sometimes lead to heartache, a theme that resonates even today. Stanger’s words remind us that society’s pressure to conform to certain ideals of love—whether in romantic relationships or in celebrating holidays—can be difficult and even isolating.

Thus, the lesson here is that love should not be confined to societal expectations or commercialized symbols. Whether you are in a relationship or single, Valentine’s Day can be a time for self-reflection and authentic connection. It’s a day to celebrate the love you have for yourself, for your friends, and for those who are a part of your community. Whether you choose to stay home or go out, Valentine’s Day can be about embracing the relationships that matter most—whether they are romantic, platonic, or familial. Instead of being driven by the societal pressure to conform, let the day be a reminder that love takes many forms, and it is the deep, meaningful connections that truly nourish our souls.

In your own life, take a moment this Valentine's Day to redefine what love means to you. Celebrate not just the romantic love you share with a partner, but the friendships, family bonds, and self-love that also deserve recognition. Let Valentine’s Day be a day of reflection, where you embrace the love you have in your life, in whatever form it takes, and remember that the authentic connections are the ones that truly sustain you.