Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and

The words of Helen Rowland—“Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins roasting her.”—are wrapped in wit yet sharpened with truth. They speak of the shift that often comes when the fire of courtship cools into the hearth of marriage. Before the wedding, the woman is exalted, praised in every word, her virtues magnified in song and speech. Afterward, the familiarity of daily life breeds not only comfort but jest, and sometimes mockery, as affection takes on a different, less ceremonial form.

This utterance reflects the paradox of love and marriage. In pursuit, the lover adorns his beloved with endless praise, seeking to win her heart with sweet words and high honors. Yet once the bond is sealed, the tone may change: light teasing, even sharp humor, replaces the lofty toasts of courtship. Rowland, with her keen wit, unmasks this irony—not as pure cynicism, but as commentary on the ways love transforms under the weight of permanence.

History offers us the tale of Socrates and Xanthippe, his famously strong-willed wife. In Athens, it was said that Socrates endured her sharp words with patience, and when others asked why he married such a difficult woman, he replied that if he could live with her, he could live with anyone. Their marriage was marked not by endless toasts, but by constant roasting, each shaping the other through conflict and jest. It is a reminder that the bonds of marriage are often less about romance’s exaltation, and more about the endurance of two spirits locked together.

The quote also illuminates the human tendency to take for granted what is already won. The chase inspires poetry, while possession inspires banter. What was once elevated becomes ordinary, and what was untouchable becomes the subject of laughter. Yet within that jest may still lie affection, for to “roast” with humor is often to show intimacy. Rowland’s cleverness lies in exposing both the fading of idealization and the deepening of familiarity.

Let this wisdom endure: do not let the wedding be the end of reverence. Let the toasts of praise continue even when the vows are spoken, lest affection wither into scorn. Humor is a gift within marriage, but let it be tempered with tenderness, so that the laughter does not wound but binds. As Helen Rowland teaches with her biting wit, marriage transforms love’s language—but it is up to each soul to ensure that in the shift from toasting to roasting, the flame of respect still burns.