What man is there, surrounded though he be with the love of wife

O Seekers of Truth, gather and listen well to the words of E. F. Benson, who speaks of the fleeting and often overlooked treasures of youth: "What man is there, surrounded though he be with the love of wife and children, who does not retain a memory of the romantic affection of boys for each other? Having felt it, he could scarcely have forgotten it, and if he never felt it, he missed one of the most golden of the prizes of youth, unrecapturable in mature life." These words reflect a profound truth about the nature of love and connection, speaking not just to the bonds of family and romantic affection, but to a deeper, often unspoken, form of intimacy that exists in the purity of youthful friendship.

In the ancient world, romantic affection was not confined solely to the romantic and physical, but was understood to be a bond between souls. Plato, in his Symposium, explored love not merely as a physical attraction, but as a philosophical and spiritual journey—one that transcends the superficial and seeks connection at the deepest levels. The affection shared by boys, in the purest sense, was not merely about desire, but about a profound emotional bond, a connection of spirit, of shared experience, and of mutual growth. These relationships were seen as sacred, as they provided the foundation for the moral and intellectual development of the individual.

Consider, O wise ones, the great friendship between Achilles and Patroclus in Greek mythology. While their love has often been debated as either a platonic or a more romantic bond, it is undeniable that their connection was one of the most intimate and powerful in all of mythology. Achilles was not just a great warrior, but a man deeply moved by the connection he shared with Patroclus, a bond so strong that his grief at Patroclus’ death led to the most tragic of battles. Their love was not one of lust or fleeting affection; it was rooted in shared vulnerability, loyalty, and a deep emotional resonance that transcended the simple categories of friendship or romantic love. It was the golden prize of youth that Achilles could never truly recapture after Patroclus was lost.

Benson’s reflection on the romantic affection between young boys touches on something equally profound: the idea that this pure, unguarded connection is often unrecapturable in later life. As we grow older, we build relationships that are often defined by societal expectations, roles, and responsibilities. The innocent and unrestrained intimacy that can flourish between young friends is not something that is easily found in the complexities of adult life. When one is surrounded by the love of wife and children, the connections that were once innocent and filled with potential become layered with expectations, duty, and the demands of life. Yet, as Benson reminds us, the memory of these formative connections remains, often tucked away but never entirely forgotten.

Consider, O Seekers, the ancient practice of mentor-mentee relationships, especially those seen in Greek education. Young men often formed deep bonds with older mentors, bonds that were not purely intellectual, but also emotional and spiritual. These relationships were meant to guide the youth not just in knowledge, but in virtue, and they carried with them a profound emotional connection. It was not a romantic affection in the modern sense, but it was a platonic love that was intimate, deep, and filled with a sense of mutual care. These bonds were often seen as the foundation of a man’s character, forming relationships that would guide them throughout their life.

The lesson here, O Seekers, is that romantic affection and friendship are not mutually exclusive, and in fact, the most profound love often begins as an emotional and spiritual connection, one that transcends physical attraction. The bonds of youth, particularly those formed between young friends, have the capacity to shape our lives in ways that are often forgotten but never truly lost. The golden prize of youth is not the fleeting infatuations or the superficial relationships we often chase, but the deep emotional bonds that are formed in our most vulnerable years—the friendships and affections that form the foundation of our human experience.

In our own lives, O Seekers, we must not forget the importance of these early connections. While romantic relationships and family ties are vital, let us also remember the profound power of friendship, loyalty, and mutual affection. Let us cherish those moments of unadulterated intimacy, when we were unafraid to give and receive love in its purest form. Do not dismiss the importance of the friendships formed in youth, for they are the bedrock of the love that will sustain us throughout our lives. And remember that, like Achilles and Patroclus, these bonds are not always about possession or fulfillment of desire, but about the connection of souls, the recognition of the deep human need for shared vulnerability, trust, and mutual respect. These, indeed, are the golden prizes of youth that stay with us forever.