When I come home and I'm tired from filming all day, I expect her

In the words of Oliver Reed, we are given a glimpse into a mindset that reflects a belief in the expectation of being cared for after a long and grueling day. Reed’s statement about coming home from filming and expecting his partner to cater to his needs—drawing his bath and helping him into bed—brings to light a complex dynamic of dependence and entitlement. This reliance on another person for comfort, rest, and emotional support raises important questions about the balance of mutual care and expectation in relationships. Reed’s words reveal not only his personal views but also the broader cultural attitudes toward gender roles, service, and the division of responsibilities in relationships during his time.

The ancient world, too, understood the dynamic of caregiving and expectation in relationships, but these roles were often more rigidly defined. In ancient Greece, the ideal of eros, or passionate love, was often intertwined with the roles of husband and wife, where the husband was the provider and protector, and the wife’s role was often seen as the caretaker of the household. In works like Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey, we see the portrayal of noble warriors and kings who expect their women to tend to their needs, often offering the comforts of home after returning from battle or a long day of strife. The expectations of service and care in Reed's words resonate with these ancient ideals, where the hero returns home to the care of those he loves, while gender roles dictate that the emotional and physical work of nurturing falls to the women.

Similarly, in ancient Rome, women were often tasked with the responsibilities of maintaining the household, including the emotional well-being of the family’s men. Cicero, the great orator, spoke of his own wife Terentia as an essential partner in his life, though she was expected to fulfill a more submissive role in their union, ensuring that his life was in order and that his comforts were met. Reed’s statement is not entirely different from the expectations of Roman men, who came to rely on their wives to maintain the household and provide comfort while they pursued their careers or political aspirations.

However, as society evolved, so too did the expectations of equality in relationships. In the Renaissance, Michelangelo, although deeply immersed in his own work and ambition, still recognized the need for balance and mutual respect in relationships. Though he was known to be deeply private, Michelangelo's friendships, such as those with Tommaso dei Cavalieri, were based on mutual support and affection. Mutual respect in relationships, even in the most unequal times, was understood as a source of strength. The evolution of these relationships—where both partners are seen as equals—becomes an important shift from the dependency expressed in Reed’s words.

In more recent times, feminist movements have challenged the notion that women should be solely responsible for caregiving, providing comfort, or meeting the emotional needs of their partners. The rise of gender equality calls for a balance in relationships, where both partners share responsibility for emotional care, household duties, and personal well-being. The expectations Reed mentions reflect a traditional view, one that may no longer fit into a modern understanding of healthy relationships—where mutual support and partnership should replace the idea of entitlement and passive dependency.

The lesson here is about finding a balance between expectation and mutual respect in relationships. It is vital to remember that the relationship dynamic should not be solely based on one partner serving the other, but rather on a mutual understanding of shared responsibilities and respect. Healthy relationships are built on equality, communication, and the understanding that both partners contribute in meaningful ways. Just as the ancients honored the idea of interdependence, we must today strive to create relationships where both partners feel empowered to offer support, comfort, and care, without one feeling entitled to the service of the other.

In practical terms, this means that we must actively listen to one another’s needs, share the emotional and physical labor of the household, and ensure that each person feels valued and supported. Instead of expecting that one partner fulfill all the caregiving responsibilities, we should work to foster balance and cooperation, where both individuals are contributors to the well-being of the relationship. Just as Michelangelo and Cicero recognized the importance of mutual respect, we too must elevate each other, offering care, love, and respect in equal measure. In this way, we create relationships that not only thrive but that reflect the deep truth of interdependence.