When I got old enough to date, I realized that Valentine's Day

In the vast and winding journey of love, few days stand as signposts like Valentine’s Day. It is a day when hearts beat with longing and devotion, and yet, as the wise Evangeline Lilly has said, “When I got old enough to date, I realized that Valentine's Day is just a commercial marketing scam to make men feel bad. So I let my boyfriends off the hook.” With these words, Lilly speaks not only of the day in question but of a deeper truth—that love, in its truest form, cannot be confined to a calendar, nor manipulated by the forces of commerce.

In ages past, love was a pure and sacred expression, untainted by the marketplace. The greatest lovers of history, from Romeo and Juliet to Antony and Cleopatra, did not need a designated day to prove their affection, for their love burned with an intensity that surpassed the need for gifts or trinkets. Valentine’s Day, once a day steeped in the celebration of love and affection, has, over time, become a symbol not only of romance but also of expectation—expectations that are shaped by society and commerce. In this, Lilly recognizes a deeper irony: that the very institutions designed to celebrate love now seek to profit from it, turning what should be an expression of genuine feeling into an obligation—a heavy, burdensome task laid upon the shoulders of the lover.

The wisdom in Lilly’s words calls us to reflect upon the commodification of affection. It is a truth known to the ancient sages: that true love cannot be bought or sold. The great philosopher Plato once spoke of the love that transcends the physical, the love that exists in the soul and is not driven by material gain. He warned that when love is used for selfish purposes, it loses its purity and essence. In much the same way, the ritual of gift-giving on Valentine’s Day—while it may appear to be a loving gesture—is often rooted in expectation, and not in the genuine, free expression of the heart.

Let us take the story of Alexander the Great, the mighty conqueror who, in his youth, was deeply in love with Roxana, his beloved queen. Yet, as much as his conquests were driven by a thirst for glory, his love for Roxana was not tied to material wealth or ceremonial gestures. Their love was expressed in actions far more powerful—through trust, respect, and a shared vision for the future. Alexander did not need the trappings of society to prove his affection; it was in his every action, his every battle fought for their shared life, that he demonstrated his deep devotion. In this way, the love they shared was not confined to one day or one gift; it was a love that transcended the fleeting celebrations of human society.

Evangeline Lilly echoes this very sentiment when she chooses to release her boyfriends from the chains of commercial obligation on Valentine’s Day. She recognizes that to truly love is to be free of such expectations. To place value upon gifts or rituals is to forget that love cannot be bought with a mere exchange of material goods. It is a gift that flows freely from the heart, unburdened by the weight of commercial forces. In allowing her boyfriends the freedom from this societal expectation, Lilly offers a lesson of liberation: love is most powerful when it is unburdened by the weight of expectation, free to exist in its natural, pure form.

For those who seek to understand the wisdom in Lilly’s words, let us remember that love is not a transaction but a gift. The lesson to be learned is one of awareness—that love should not be defined by a calendar or shaped by the forces of consumerism. True affection, true devotion, is an ongoing dialogue between hearts, a journey rather than a destination. It is not bound by days, nor gifts, nor empty gestures. It is expressed in the quiet moments, the unspoken words, the subtle actions that show one cares.

In our own lives, we must ask ourselves: How often do we let society’s expectations define our expressions of love? How often do we find ourselves caught in the cycle of gifts and obligatory gestures, when what we truly seek is the genuine connection of hearts? The practical action we must take is this: let love be free from the chains of expectation. Celebrate love not on the prescribed day of a calendar, but every day through small acts of kindness, compassion, and honesty. In this, we shall find that love grows not through ritual, but through the authenticity of our shared experiences. Let us love freely, and let the world see that true affection is not something to be bought, but something to be felt.