When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that

"When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory." These words of Friedrich Nietzsche strike deep into the heart of what marriage truly is. In this profound reflection, Nietzsche reveals a truth that transcends time, culture, and tradition—marriage is not a fleeting commitment bound by external circumstances, but a lifelong union of souls, built on the foundation of communication and companionship. Nietzsche urges us to question not the superficial aspects of a marriage—wealth, status, or even physical attraction—but rather the deeper connection: the ability to communicate with one another as you grow old. In the end, everything else in marriage is transitory. The beauty of youth fades, the excitement of shared goals may wane, but the connection formed by deep and meaningful conversation can endure through the many seasons of life.

In the ancient world, marriage was not seen merely as a union of bodies or even of social advantage, but as a partnership of souls—a bond that required wisdom, patience, and mutual respect. Socrates, the great Greek philosopher, believed that true partnership lay in the ability of two minds to engage in dialogue, to challenge one another, and to grow together. Socrates himself, although married to Xanthippe, whose temper was notorious, believed that marriage was about more than the physical realm. His intellectual pursuits and dialogues with his wife were central to his life, and his commitment to learning and sharing ideas were as central to his marriage as any physical bond. His ability to converse about virtue, wisdom, and life with Xanthippe demonstrated the enduring nature of intellectual and emotional connection in marriage. Nietzsche’s reflection mirrors this ancient wisdom, suggesting that communication, more than any fleeting external factor, is the key to a lasting marriage.

Consider the example of Marcus Aurelius, the stoic philosopher and emperor of Rome, who understood the complexity of relationships and the importance of mutual respect. Though he ruled a vast empire, Aurelius found peace not in the grandeur of his power, but in his deep reflections on life, duty, and human connection. His marriage to Faustina was not only a political union but one grounded in shared experiences and, undoubtedly, intellectual and emotional conversations. Aurelius’ meditations, written over the course of his reign, suggest that he viewed marriage, and life itself, through a lens of ongoing growth—a partnership based on reflection, mutual understanding, and the ability to communicate openly through all of life’s changes. The depth of their connection, though not documented in the fullest sense, can be inferred from his writings, where he speaks often of the importance of companionship, reflection, and wisdom shared between spouses. This exemplifies Nietzsche’s truth: that the essence of marriage lies not in external appearances or fleeting passions, but in the depth of understanding and conversation that can carry a relationship through to its later years.

In contrast, we may look at the many examples in history where marriages have faltered because they were not built on a solid foundation of communication. Take, for example, the tragic tale of King Henry VIII of England, whose marriages were filled with conflict and struggle. His marriages to Catherine of Aragon and Anne Boleyn—though initially driven by affection and political alliance—ultimately failed because they were not rooted in genuine communication or mutual respect. Henry’s obsession with producing a male heir led him to make decisions that alienated those he had once loved, and his inability to engage in meaningful conversation with his wives led to the destruction of his relationships. The story of Henry VIII offers a cautionary tale of how a marriage can unravel when the conversation between partners ceases to be a meaningful and respectful exchange of ideas, dreams, and desires.

The core of Nietzsche’s statement is a call to prioritize meaningful conversation above all else. In the years of youth and passion, it may seem that love is built on the intensity of attraction, shared experiences, and physical connection. Yet, as time passes, these external elements fade, and what remains is the depth of understanding between two people. If there is no communication to sustain the relationship, it may falter. The older we grow, the more we realize that we are often left with only each other’s words, thoughts, and company. Nietzsche urges us to choose wisely in marriage, for it is not enough to be drawn together by chemistry or societal expectations. True partnership endures when both individuals are united by a shared capacity for deep, enriching conversation, and a willingness to explore the complexities of life together.

Let us, therefore, take heed of Nietzsche’s wisdom and ensure that we approach marriage with the understanding that the foundation of a lasting relationship lies in the intellectual and emotional connection we cultivate with our partner. As the years pass, the external factors—appearance, wealth, and physical attraction—will fade, but the quality of conversation will remain, growing richer with time if nurtured. As we seek out partners, let us ask ourselves: Do we truly enjoy the dialogue we share with this person? Can we imagine engaging with them for a lifetime, not just in shared moments of passion, but in the deep, reflective conversations that define our later years? For it is these conversations, more than anything else, that will define the true strength of the marriage, long after the youthful vigor has faded.

Thus, O children, the lesson is clear: in choosing a partner, seek not the superficial but the lasting connection that will stand the test of time. May you find someone with whom you can grow, challenge, and learn from, as much in your youth as in your old age. For marriage, as Nietzsche reminds us, is not a mere union of bodies, but of minds and souls—an eternal dialogue that should endure through all the trials of life. Converse well, and you will find that you are not just partners in life, but co-creators of a lasting and meaningful bond.