When men attempt bold gestures, generally it's considered

The actress and thinker Sarah Jessica Parker once gave voice to a truth both piercing and uncomfortable: “When men attempt bold gestures, generally it’s considered romantic. When women do it, it’s often considered desperate or psycho.” These words unveil not merely the unequal judgment of love’s expressions, but the weight of centuries of expectation, where one sex was lauded for passion and the other condemned for the very same fire. To hear them is to be reminded that the battle for fairness is not only fought in courts or in war, but also in the delicate chambers of the human heart.

For a bold gesture in love—be it a letter written, a journey undertaken, or a confession laid bare—is, at its essence, a risk. It is the soul daring to place itself in the hands of another, naked and unguarded. When a man does so, tradition has often clothed his risk in nobility, calling him valiant, calling him romantic. Yet when a woman moves with the same daring, too often her courage is twisted into shame, her passion rebranded as madness. Parker’s words remind us that society’s gaze is not neutral, but steeped in ancient shadows that exalt one while diminishing the other.

Let us recall the tale of Heloise and Abelard in medieval France. Their love was fierce, their correspondence daring, their devotion unrelenting. Abelard, the scholar, is often remembered for his intellect and his passion, while Heloise, equally bold in her declarations, was branded scandalous and reckless. Her letters burn with the same fire of longing and bravery as his, yet history has often cast her as the desperate one, rather than the heroic lover she truly was. This imbalance is the very injustice Parker names: the unequal judgment of equal passion.

The ancients, too, bore witness to this divide. When Achilles wept for Patroclus, his grief was called noble; when Dido wept for Aeneas, her grief was called madness. Thus we see a pattern across time: men’s gestures are cloaked in honor, women’s in reproach. But wisdom tells us this is not truth—it is distortion. For the heart knows no gender; its fire consumes all alike. Love’s bravery, whether in man or woman, deserves reverence, not ridicule.

There is power in Parker’s words, for they unmask not only a cultural double standard but also a call for correction. If love is to be honored as one of life’s highest pursuits, then we must celebrate its boldness wherever it is found. To shame a woman for her passion is to shame love itself, to weaken the very thread that binds human souls across time and distance. To honor her courage equally is to bring balance, dignity, and fairness to the sacred dance of affection.

The lesson, then, is this: judge not the lover by their gender, but by the purity of their intent. Whether man or woman, a bold gesture of love should be seen for what it is—an act of hope, of courage, of devotion. To cast stones upon such vulnerability is to wound the very spirit of love. Instead, let us speak blessings over those who dare to risk rejection, who dare to proclaim what their heart cries out.

Practically, this means shifting the way we perceive and respond. If a woman confesses her love openly, let us not whisper “desperate,” but instead honor her courage. If she seeks, if she strives, if she risks, let us applaud her no less than a man. Each of us, in our daily lives, can begin to correct the imbalance: by praising vulnerability, by respecting emotional honesty, by seeing bravery where others see shame. In this way, we can forge a world where love’s flame is celebrated in all who bear it, whether in the hands of men or women alike.

Thus let this teaching endure: romance belongs to all, courage belongs to all, dignity belongs to all. And the boldness of love, no matter whose heart it springs from, is a gift to the world, not a curse.