When we're growing up there are all sorts of people telling us

Hear the words of Elliot Page, spoken with honesty and courage: “When we’re growing up there are all sorts of people telling us what to do when really what we need is space to work out who to be.” These words are not only the confession of one soul, but a truth that belongs to all who have ever struggled beneath the weight of expectations. They are a call to remember that the journey of becoming cannot be dictated by others, but must arise from within the heart, in freedom, in trial, and in discovery.

The meaning is luminous. In childhood and youth, voices surround us—parents, teachers, peers, society—all telling us what path to walk, what mask to wear, what future to embrace. These voices may mean well, yet they often drown out the deeper voice within: the voice that whispers who we are truly meant to be. Page reminds us that the most essential gift a young soul requires is space—the freedom to question, to stumble, to seek, and to grow. Without that sacred space, one risks living not one’s own life, but the borrowed dreams of others.

The origin of this wisdom lies in Page’s own life journey. As an artist and public figure, Page was praised, judged, and instructed from a young age. The world projected roles and expectations upon them, yet within remained the struggle to uncover a truer identity. It was only by carving out space—inner and outer—that Page came into alignment with truth, embracing the courage to live authentically. Thus, the quote is born not from theory but from the lived experience of breaking free from voices that confine, to dwell instead in the freedom of becoming.

History, too, offers testimony to this truth. Think of Siddhartha Gautama, who grew up surrounded by wealth, luxury, and a father’s commands to follow a predetermined destiny. He was told what to do, what to believe, what to ignore. Yet only when he stepped beyond the palace walls, into the space of wandering and seeking, did he discover his true path as the Buddha, the awakened one. Or recall Joan of Arc, a peasant girl whom many sought to silence and control. Yet she listened instead to the voice within, and in that courage, she became a figure of legend. Both illustrate the eternal need for freedom of the soul to find its own way.

The danger lies in surrendering entirely to the expectations of others. Many live lives shaped not by their own desires, but by what parents, teachers, or societies demanded. They achieve success yet feel empty, for they never had the space to ask: Who am I? Who do I wish to be? Without such space, a person may grow older but remain a stranger to themselves. Page’s words serve as a warning against this quiet tragedy.

The lesson for us is clear: give yourself, and others, the space to discover identity. Do not crush the searching spirit with commands or ridicule. Do not demand certainty too soon, for becoming is a long journey. Allow yourself the courage to resist the noise of others and to listen deeply to the quiet call of your own soul. The path may not be quick, nor simple, but it will be true.

Practical action flows from this wisdom. If you are young, guard time for silence and reflection. If you are older, remember it is never too late to ask who you wish to be. If you are a parent, a teacher, or a guide, offer not commands but encouragement, creating safe spaces where others may explore without fear. And for all, be patient: the flowering of the self takes time, and cannot be forced open.

Take this as a guiding flame: “When we’re growing up, what we need most is space to discover who to be.” Therefore, resist the chains of imposed identity, and honor the sacred work of becoming. For in that space lies the birth of authenticity, and in authenticity lies the power to live not as a shadow of others’ dreams, but as the radiant truth of your own.