When you are the lead in a romantic comedy, you have to worry

"When you are the lead in a romantic comedy, you have to worry about people really liking you." – Morris Chestnut. These words speak to the delicate balance that the lead character in a romantic comedy must maintain between authenticity and appeal. To be loved by the audience in such a role is to embody both the qualities of charm and relatability—two traits that are essential in making the character someone people can root for, connect with, and ultimately fall in love with. Yet this pursuit of likability is not just about superficial charm; it is about creating a connection with the audience that feels genuine and true—a connection that resonates with the shared human desire for love, companionship, and the joy of belonging.

In the ancient world, great heroes and figures were often loved not just for their courage or strength, but for their virtue and the deep connection they formed with those around them. Achilles, in Homer’s Iliad, though a fierce warrior, was beloved by his people because of his honor and his willingness to sacrifice for his comrades. The ancient Greek audience, accustomed to the complexities of human nature, understood that true greatness was not just about power, but about the ability to inspire love, trust, and loyalty. Similarly, the lead in a romantic comedy must draw on the same deep human connection—a combination of kindness, humor, and vulnerability—to make the character not just likable but someone who reflects the longing for love and happiness that resides within us all.

Aristotle in his Poetics defined the ideal hero as someone who is relatable but also embodies the qualities we aspire to. For the hero to be loved, they must evoke sympathy and empathy from the audience, not by being flawless, but by being human. The same applies in romantic comedies: the lead character may stumble, may be awkward, but it is through these imperfections that the audience finds relatability. Just as Romeo in Romeo and Juliet is loved not only for his passion but also for his youthful mistakes, the romantic lead must balance flaws with qualities that make them endearing. The audience must see a reflection of their own desires, hopes, and insecurities in the character—this is what makes the role successful.

Take the example of Audrey Hepburn in Roman Holiday. Hepburn, as Princess Ann, captivates audiences not merely through her grace and beauty but through her vulnerability and genuine nature. She is not the perfect princess, but rather a young woman with a longing for freedom and the ability to make genuine connections with those around her. In this, Hepburn’s character becomes more than just a figure to admire; she becomes someone the audience can feel for, someone they can root for. It is this delicate balance of likability and authenticity that makes a character in a romantic comedy unforgettable. Hepburn’s performance serves as a blueprint for actors today, reminding them that relatability is just as important as charm in creating lasting connections with an audience.

But it is not enough to simply play to the audience’s expectations. The challenge for the romantic lead, as Chestnut points out, is the delicate dance of being loved without being overly idealized. In ancient myths, heroes were often flawed—Hercules, for instance, was strong and heroic but also prone to moments of rage and mistakes. These imperfections made him more relatable and human. Similarly, in the world of romantic comedy, the audience must see the lead not as a perfect figure, but as someone they can understand and cheer on as they navigate love’s challenges. To simply be “liked” by the audience is not enough; the character must be embraced for their full humanity—their strengths, weaknesses, and emotional journey.

The lesson to take away is that authenticity and vulnerability are the keys to forming deep, meaningful connections, both in acting and in life. Whether in a film, a friendship, or a relationship, it is our ability to show up as we truly are—imperfect, complicated, and human—that makes us not only loved but respected. In the same way that a romantic lead must earn the affection of the audience by revealing their true self, so must we earn the affection of those around us by showing up with honesty and genuine emotion. The desire to be liked is universal, but true connection is formed when we dare to be real, to be vulnerable, and to embrace the imperfect beauty of our shared humanity.

In our own lives, we can seek to embody this same balance. We must not be afraid to show our authentic selves, to let our flaws shine through, and to engage with others in ways that are not about impressing, but about connecting. Whether in our personal relationships or professional endeavors, let us strive to be relatable—to allow our true emotions to be seen and our vulnerabilities to be embraced. In doing so, we not only create deeper connections, but we also honor the very essence of what it means to be human: to love, to be loved, and to share in the journey of life with others.