When you are young, do not get involved in steady dating. When

In the councils of the elders, a voice like a bell speaks plain: “When you are young, do not get involved in steady dating. When you reach an age where you think of marriage, then is the time to become so involved.” Hear the cadence: first the sowing season, then the harvest; first the learning of one’s own steps, then the dance with another. The counsel is not a cage but a compass. It warns that certain bonds, tied too early, can shrink the horizons meant to widen in youth, while bonds tied in due season anchor a life with dignity and peace.

To the ancients, time itself was a teacher. They spoke of the kairos—the ripe moment—distinct from mere passing hours. In that spirit, the warning against steady dating in the young years is an invitation to breadth: friendships that cross many circles, skills practiced without the inward bend of constant romantic concern, the brave pilgrimage of discovering who you are before promising who you will be to another. For how can one offer the gift of self if the self has not yet been shaped and fired?

This does not scorn affection; it honors formation. Early, exclusive bonds often ask for adult decisions from unready hands. The heart, still green, mistakes intensity for intimacy and possession for presence. By contrast, waiting until the age of marriage-mindedness aligns desire with purpose. Courtship then becomes a craft: two pilgrims, each already apprenticed to their own conscience and calling, testing whether their roads can be justly joined.

Consider a true story from the ledger of letters. Jane Austen watched sisters and neighbors bind themselves quickly for the thrill of certainty. Some prospered, yet others—like Lucy Steele’s shadow or Lydia Bennet’s haste—found that early exclusivity narrowed wisdom instead of deepening it. Austen’s heroines who flourish—Elinor, Elizabeth—move with patience, letting understanding ripen before vow. Fiction, yes; but fashioned from the grain of real drawing rooms and real consequences. The lesson breathes beyond her pages: eagerness without readiness often spends tomorrow’s joy to buy today’s excitement.

There is also the humbler parable of a student and a ship. He moored his small vessel to the first dock he found—kind eyes, a familiar laugh—and so never learned to read the wider sea. Years later, he unknotted the line with sorrow; not because the dock was wicked, but because the sailor had not first learned the wind. Another, by contrast, charted many coves in friendship, studied storms, mastered oars and stars. When she tied at last, it was not to escape the sea but to share it; marriage became a voyage, not a hiding place.

The heart of the saying is stewardship. To refrain from involved romance when young is to protect sacred resources: attention, time, and the slow growth of character. To engage in steady dating when marriage is truly in view is to spend those resources where they return a harvest—promises kept, a household established, a future made sturdy for children and neighbors. This is not prudishness; it is architecture. Build foundations first; then raise the house.

Take from this teaching a clear rule and gentle steps. The rule: romance should serve formation first, then covenant; it should not devour the years meant for learning. The steps: (1) In youth, set a wide table—seek friendships, mentors, craft, and service before exclusivity. (2) Keep company that strengthens your virtues; measure suitors by whether your courage, honesty, and gratitude grow in their presence. (3) When you truly contemplate marriage, shift from wandering to discerning—name shared values, observe how each bears burden and joy, invite wise counsel, and set time-bound intentions. (4) Let your answer be seasonal: not yet when growth is needed, yes when readiness and rightness meet. Thus the lamp of patience will light your path, and when you bind your life to another, it will be with hands skilled by waiting and a heart prepared to keep what it promises.

Keywords: young, steady dating, age, marriage, involved.