When you feel yourself being critical, whether it is of yourself
When you feel yourself being critical, whether it is of yourself or another person, stop yourself. Look for positive aspects to admire.
Hear the tender wisdom of Ruth Westheimer, who declared: “When you feel yourself being critical, whether it is of yourself or another person, stop yourself. Look for positive aspects to admire.” These words are not merely gentle advice but a balm for the restless spirit, a cure for the poison of harsh judgment. For the tongue of criticism is sharp, and it wounds not only the one it strikes but also the one who wields it. Yet within every being—whether friend, stranger, or the self—there lies something worthy of light. To search for that light is to heal division, to soften hardness, and to restore harmony to the world.
The meaning of this teaching rests in the nature of criticism itself. To be critical is easy; the eye is quick to see what is broken, the ear swift to notice what is discordant. But to admire, to seek out the positive aspects hidden within the roughness—that is the harder path, and the nobler one. Dr. Ruth’s wisdom is rooted in compassion: that when we shift our gaze from fault to virtue, we transform not only how we see others but how we see ourselves. For often, the harshest critic of all dwells within, whispering words of failure. To silence this voice with admiration is to breathe life into the weary soul.
Consider the story of Abraham Lincoln, who led a nation torn by war. He was surrounded by critics—those who mocked his appearance, scorned his choices, and despised his mercy. Yet Lincoln, instead of striking back with bitterness, chose to see the positive even in his enemies. He appointed rivals to his cabinet, respecting their strengths though they opposed him. In the end, this spirit of admiration over criticism forged unity where division might have reigned, and guided a nation through its darkest night. His example shows that greatness lies not in fault-finding but in recognizing the good where others see only weakness.
In more intimate spheres, too, this wisdom holds true. A family divided by constant criticism becomes a place of strife; a family nourished by admiration becomes a sanctuary. A child who hears only reproach begins to wither, doubting their worth. But a child who hears of their strengths, even while being corrected, grows with confidence and hope. The same is true of the self: the person who dwells only on their failures is crushed beneath them, but the one who remembers their virtues finds courage to rise again.
The emotional power of Ruth’s teaching lies in its simplicity. She does not deny that faults exist, nor does she command us to blind ourselves to reality. Rather, she reminds us that every moment of criticism is also a moment of choice. Will we add darkness to darkness, or will we kindle a spark of light? To admire is not to ignore imperfection but to balance it with gratitude, to recognize that within every flawed vessel shines something noble.
What lesson, then, shall we carry forward? That the path to peace begins with the discipline of admiration. By choosing to see the good, we soften our hearts, heal our relationships, and strengthen our souls. We become builders rather than destroyers, encouragers rather than accusers. And when we apply this wisdom to ourselves, we learn to walk with dignity, for no burden is heavier than self-contempt, and no medicine more powerful than self-respect.
Practical actions flow easily from this teaching. When tempted to speak harshly, pause and search for one quality to praise. When you stumble in your own journey, remember what you have done well, and let that memory be your strength. Keep a journal of gratitude, where each day you name not only the blessings around you but also the virtues within yourself. And when you must correct, temper your words with kindness, so that they uplift rather than destroy.
So let these words echo through the generations: “Look for positive aspects to admire.” For in admiration lies healing, in admiration lies strength, and in admiration lies the power to transform even the harshest heart. Those who master this art will not only bring peace to themselves but will also scatter seeds of hope wherever they walk. And by their example, the world itself will learn to trade criticism for compassion, and darkness for light.
XCNguyen xuan canh
This quote brings up a great point about self-awareness. In moments when I catch myself being critical, whether of myself or others, I often realize that shifting my focus to the positive helps break that cycle. But I wonder if this always applies in every scenario. Is there ever a time when being critical is necessary for growth, or should we constantly strive to see the positive instead?
UGUser Google
I think Westheimer’s advice is an important practice in self-awareness and mindfulness. It can be so easy to fall into a critical mindset, and this approach seems like a way to create healthier thought patterns. But I’m curious: Does this method work equally well when criticizing others versus criticizing ourselves? Are there different techniques needed for self-compassion versus compassion towards others?
QTLe Thi Quynh Trang
Westheimer’s quote is a reminder of how much power our thoughts hold. Focusing on the positives instead of the negatives can make a real difference in how we perceive situations or people. But what happens when negativity is hard to avoid, like in stressful situations? How can we practice positive thinking without feeling like we’re dismissing or ignoring real challenges that need attention?
VBngoc vu bich
I like the idea of redirecting criticism towards positivity, but I wonder if this mindset can sometimes prevent us from having honest conversations or giving constructive feedback. While it’s great to focus on what’s admirable, can there be a danger in overlooking important issues? Is it possible to foster positive thinking while still allowing for healthy self-improvement or critical analysis?
DVDuc Vuong
Westheimer’s approach offers a helpful shift in mindset, especially in a world that often encourages self-criticism. I’ve noticed that when we focus on the negative, it can overshadow everything else. But is it realistic to only look for positive aspects in every situation? What happens if there are no obvious positives to find? Can we still grow without acknowledging and confronting our weaknesses?