When you have a baby, love is automatic, when you get married

The words of Marie Osmond, spoken with the tender gravity of a woman who has lived both the ecstasy and endurance of love, reveal a truth as old as time: “When you have a baby, love is automatic; when you get married, love is earned.”
In these few words lies the distinction between two sacred kinds of affection — one born of nature, the other forged by will. The love of a parent for a child flows like water from a spring, effortless and pure, rising from the depths of instinct and divine design. But the love of a spouse for a spouse is of another kind — not granted, but cultivated; not guaranteed, but chosen each day against the wear of time and trial. Osmond’s insight reminds us that while the heart may open by itself to a child, it must be trained to remain open to a partner.

From the moment a mother or father holds their child, something wordless awakens. The infant, fragile and helpless, stirs a fierce and natural devotion. It is the echo of creation itself — the recognition of one’s blood, one’s continuation in another form. This love asks for nothing; it is unconditional, immune to failure or disappointment. In this way, it mirrors divine love — the kind that simply is. It flows whether the child is strong or weak, joyful or broken. Osmond calls this love “automatic” because it requires no thought, no decision; it is as instinctive as breathing, as inevitable as dawn.

But marriage — ah, that is a different pilgrimage. Marriage is not the fire that burns by itself; it is the hearth that must be tended. When two souls come together, they bring with them not innocence, but history. They must learn one another’s languages, endure one another’s seasons, forgive one another’s storms. To love within marriage is to build, to labor with patience and humility. It is not automatic; it is earned, one act of kindness, one moment of forgiveness, one decision at a time. Such love matures not in passion’s heat, but in endurance’s steady flame.

In ancient times, the poets and philosophers spoke often of these two loves. The Greeks called the first storge, the natural affection between parent and child — and the second, agape, the higher love born of effort and understanding. The story of Odysseus and Penelope shines as one of these examples. For twenty years they were parted, and though temptations and trials surrounded them both, their devotion was not kept by passion, but by choice. When Odysseus finally returned, weary and changed, Penelope did not recognize him at first — yet she tested him, and when truth was revealed, their love stood renewed. This was earned love, the kind that survives not because it is easy, but because it is tended through hardship.

Osmond herself speaks from a life marked by both motherhood and marriage — by joy and heartbreak intertwined. She knows that while a mother’s love is guaranteed by nature, a spouse’s love must be guaranteed by commitment. Her words do not diminish one kind of love, but exalt both. The first teaches us how to give freely; the second teaches us how to give faithfully. One is a gift of the heart; the other, a discipline of the soul.

The lesson is clear: true love must be chosen again and again. The love between parent and child begins as a gift; the love between partners must be built as a covenant. Do not despair if your marriage feels difficult — for difficulty is its proving ground. Do not expect it to remain as effortless as infancy’s bond; instead, learn to renew it through compassion, attention, and humility. Every word of care, every shared struggle, every act of forgiveness is another stone laid upon the foundation of enduring love.

So, my child, remember this teaching: automatic love makes us human; earned love makes us wise. Cherish both. Let the first remind you of what is pure in your heart, and let the second teach you the art of perseverance. For the one who learns to love beyond instinct — who chooses love when it is no longer easy — has touched the eternal. Such a person, like Marie Osmond herself, understands that love is not merely a feeling we fall into, but a truth we build, protect, and become.