Whether they give or refuse, it delights women just the same to

The words of Ovid — “Whether they give or refuse, it delights women just the same to have been asked” — flow from the pen of the great Roman poet, master of love and myth. In them he captures a timeless truth about the human spirit: that recognition itself carries power, and that to be sought after is to feel seen. The essence of this saying is not about conquest or refusal, but about the joy of being acknowledged, desired, and valued.

At its heart, Ovid speaks to the dignity of attention. To be asked is to be granted agency, the power to decide, whether in matters of love, affection, or companionship. The delight lies not only in the answer but in the question itself — for it affirms worth, beauty, and presence. Even a refusal is not empty, for it springs from choice, and choice is freedom. Thus, Ovid unveils the subtle dance between asking and granting, between longing and self-possession.

In the world of Rome, where Ovid lived and wrote his Ars Amatoria, courtship was both art and battle, filled with wit, charm, and pursuit. His words mirror that culture, where to be noticed was honor, and to be forgotten was exile. Yet his wisdom stretches beyond time: across all ages, the soul rejoices when it is recognized, for every heart longs to know it matters. The simple act of asking affirms that longing.

History bears witness to this truth. When Elizabeth I of England received countless proposals for marriage, many of which she declined, she nevertheless reveled in the act of being courted, for each proposal affirmed her power, her desirability, her influence. Though she famously declared herself “married to England,” the petitions of kings and nobles reminded her — and the world — of her worth. Here we see Ovid’s wisdom in living form: delight is born not solely of acceptance, but of being sought.

Let future generations remember: to seek another’s hand, heart, or presence is to bestow honor. To be asked is to be lifted from invisibility into recognition. Ovid’s words, though born in the games of Roman love, carry the eternal truth that human beings flourish when they are seen, acknowledged, and valued. For in the end, the delight lies not only in the answer, but in the asking itself — the moment when the soul is reminded of its worth.