Woman is fine for her own satisfaction alone. No man will admire

"Woman is fine for her own satisfaction alone. No man will admire her the more, no woman will like her the better for it. Neatness and fashion are enough for the former, and a something of shabbiness or impropriety will be most endearing to the latter." These words from Jane Austen capture the complexity of human relationships and the contrasting expectations placed on women in her time—and indeed, much of society today. Austen, with her characteristic wit and insight, here reveals that self-satisfaction and authenticity often matter more in relationships than superficial attempts at perfection or adhering to societal standards. She reflects that true charm, whether for men or women, is not achieved through mere neatness or fashion, but through a certain authenticity that comes with imperfection and genuineness.

In the ancient world, the concept of beauty and appearance was also complex, and often, it was virtue and inner strength that were considered the true sources of a woman's charm. The Greek poet Homer, in the Iliad, spoke of Helen of Troy—whose physical beauty sparked a war—but it was not just her outer beauty that held the power. Helen’s tragic story is one of the consequences of idolizing appearance over virtue. Helen, despite being the epitome of physical beauty, faced turmoil and tragedy because she was ultimately misunderstood by society. Her story is a reminder that outward perfection often conceals the deeper, more important qualities of a person. In this sense, Austen’s remark aligns with the ancient belief that true worth is found not in conformity to external standards, but in inner qualities.

The Roman concept of virtus—excellence or manliness—also touches on this idea, as it was often associated with moral strength rather than appearance or status. Cicero, in his writings on ethics, highlighted the importance of virtue in both men and women, suggesting that it is the inner qualities of a person, such as wisdom, courage, and honor, that define them, rather than their external presentation. In the same vein, Austen challenges the societal notion that women must adhere to rigid standards of beauty and fashion to be valued. Instead, she reminds us that authenticity—imperfection and genuineness—can hold a more lasting appeal.

Consider the life of Queen Elizabeth I of England. Renowned for her intelligence, strength, and independence, Elizabeth did not fit the traditional mold of a beautiful woman in the eyes of her time. Yet, her leadership and political savvy earned her the admiration and respect of both men and women. Elizabeth’s reign is often remembered as one of brilliance and courage, and her impact was far greater than any superficial notions of beauty. Like Austen’s ideal woman, Elizabeth proved that inner strength and authenticity are far more captivating and valuable than mere physical appearance. Her ability to embrace imperfection—to live without the trappings of a perfect public image—allowed her to become one of the most influential monarchs in history.

Austen’s reflection also points to the nature of female friendship. In her novels, the most endearing female characters are often those who are not bound by the constraints of fashion and social propriety, but rather by their true selves. Think of Elinor Dashwood from Sense and Sensibility, whose steadfastness and moral strength make her a much more compelling character than her more outwardly fashionable sister, Marianne. The contrast between the two illustrates Austen’s belief that authenticity and a certain imperfect charm are far more valuable in creating meaningful relationships than adherence to social standards. In this way, Austen speaks to the timelessness of the idea that women, in particular, can be most beloved not by being perfect but by embracing their flaws and expressing their true selves.

The lesson in Austen’s words is clear: perfection is not the key to a fulfilling life, nor is it the foundation for meaningful relationships. Whether with men or women, true connection is built on authenticity, imperfection, and a willingness to be genuine. In a world where external appearances and societal expectations often define our worth, Austen encourages us to reject these false ideals and instead embrace the beauty found in realness. It is through authenticity, not perfection, that we form lasting and fulfilling connections with others.

In our own lives, we should strive to value genuineness over superficial appearances. Let us not measure our worth by the standards of fashion or external approval, but by the inner strength, kindness, and honesty we bring to our relationships. Just as Austen’s characters find their deepest value not in outward perfection but in their inner virtues, so too can we build lives that are rich in true connection and self-love. The beauty of authenticity and imperfection lies in its timeless appeal—where we find the true selves of others and ourselves, joining in a more genuine and fulfilling way.