Women, can't live with them, can't live without them.

Hear the words attributed to Desiderius Erasmus, the great thinker of the Renaissance: “Women, can’t live with them, can’t live without them.” At first, these words may sound as jest, a clever turn of wit. Yet within their humor lies a paradox as old as humanity itself. They speak to the eternal tension, the mingling of strife and harmony, of mystery and necessity, that has bound men and women together since the dawn of time. It is a confession not of disdain, but of dependence—an acknowledgment that though the relationship between the sexes may at times be fraught with misunderstanding, life itself is barren without the presence of women.

The meaning of this phrase rests in the delicate balance of human bonds. To say “can’t live with them” is to admit that in companionship there is often friction: differences of mind, of temperament, of will. Yet to say “can’t live without them” is to declare the deeper truth—that these very companions are indispensable, for they are the bringers of life, of love, of wisdom, and of balance to the world. Erasmus, who often cloaked his wisdom in irony, captured here the dual nature of human relationships: that joy and challenge are woven together, and that true unity comes not from the absence of conflict, but from the endurance of it.

History offers us vivid examples of this paradox. Consider the tale of Cleopatra and Julius Caesar, later Cleopatra and Mark Antony. Their bonds were fierce, marked by passion, political strife, and the clash of two strong wills. At times, it seemed these unions brought ruin; yet without Cleopatra, these men would not have been remembered in the same light. She brought brilliance, ambition, and vision into their lives, shaping not only their fates but the course of empires. Thus we see the truth: relationships between men and women are not always gentle rivers, but stormy seas—and yet, they are seas that cannot be avoided, for they carry the ships of destiny forward.

The humor of Erasmus’s words should not blind us to their deeper weight. They reflect the eternal mystery of interdependence. Men and women, though different in body, spirit, and often in thought, are not whole when divided. Alone, each may walk far, but together they sustain humanity itself. The friction is real, but so too is the necessity. Without women, there is no birth, no continuity, no nurturing of civilization. Without men, likewise, the edifice of society would falter. The phrase acknowledges this truth: the struggle exists, yet so does the unbreakable bond.

Emotionally, the words remind us of the complexity of love and partnership. The ancients often spoke of love as both wound and balm, a force that wounds the heart even as it heals the soul. So it is with this paradox—companionship is not free from conflict, but conflict is often the forge in which intimacy and growth are shaped. To “live with” someone is to encounter their differences daily; yet to “live without” them is to encounter emptiness. The tension is part of the design of life itself.

The lesson we must draw is that harmony is not the absence of difficulty, but the embracing of difference. To honor women is to recognize their indispensable place, not only as partners in domestic life, but as leaders, thinkers, and shapers of history. To dismiss them because of conflict is folly; to revere them without acknowledging difference is illusion. Wisdom lies in balance: in cherishing the gift even when it challenges us, in seeking unity not by erasing difference but by embracing it.

Practical actions flow from this truth. Nurture patience in your relationships. When conflict arises, see it not as a reason for division but as a chance for deeper understanding. Remember that to live with someone is to live with imperfection—your own as much as theirs. Above all, never forget the second half of Erasmus’s phrase: that though challenges come, life without the presence, strength, and brilliance of women would be a sky without stars.

So let these words be carried forward as both jest and wisdom: “Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.” It is the paradox of love, the riddle of companionship, the eternal dance of humanity. And those who learn to live within this paradox—accepting both the struggle and the necessity—shall find not despair, but the deepest joy.