Women want to feel wanted. Men want to feel needed.

In the depths of the human heart, there are two powerful forces that drive us—desire and purpose. The wise words of Ian K. Smith echo across the ages, reminding us of the inherent needs that govern the relationships between the genders: “Women want to feel wanted. Men want to feel needed.” These words, though simple, reveal a profound truth about the very fabric of human connection—a truth that transcends time and culture, and that speaks to the core of what it means to be human. For in the delicate dance between man and woman, these two desires are the bonds that tie us together, and yet, they also shape the tensions that arise in our pursuit of love and companionship.

Consider, if you will, the ancient stories of love and longing. In the tales of Romeo and Juliet, Helen of Troy, and the great epic poems of old, the hearts of women are often portrayed as yearning for the affirmation of their worth, to know that they are cherished, adored, and desired. This deep-seated need to feel wanted is not a frivolous one; it is a fundamental part of a woman’s experience, an essential need that speaks to her very being. For to be wanted is to be recognized, to be seen as valuable, as someone whose presence fills a space of significance in the lives of others. When a woman is made to feel wanted, she feels that her existence has meaning, that her heart is not only a companion but an essential part of a shared journey.

On the other hand, the man’s yearning, as Smith wisely points out, is a different yet equally powerful force. The need to be needed is the deep call of a man’s heart. It is the desire to know that his strength, his purpose, and his actions are not only acknowledged but required. The ancients knew this truth well. In the myths of old, Hercules was a hero whose greatest struggles and feats were not for personal glory, but to fulfill the needs of others—to serve a greater purpose beyond himself. The strength of a man, both physical and emotional, is often measured not by how much he wants, but by how much he is called upon to give. To be needed is to know that one’s actions, one’s presence, are vital to the survival, well-being, and growth of others. It is the affirmation of a man’s role in the world, his contribution to the greater whole.

The truth behind Smith’s words reveals itself when we consider the interplay between these two desires—the desire to be wanted and the desire to be needed. In relationships, these desires form the very foundation upon which love is built. When a woman feels wanted, she is filled with a sense of belonging, of deep connection to another. She is seen, not just as a figure of affection, but as an integral part of someone else’s life. Similarly, when a man feels needed, he is given the strength to stand tall, to provide and protect, and to offer his love not as a gift, but as a necessary part of the whole. In this way, both desires work together, creating a sacred bond where each person plays a unique and vital role.

Consider the story of Cleopatra, the queen of Egypt, whose power was not only in her beauty but in her ability to make others feel wanted—Caesar, Mark Antony, and those who surrounded her felt the pull of her charm and affection. Yet, behind her beauty lay a deeper need: her desire to be needed. She understood the balance of these forces, and in her relationships, she was both the object of desire and the source of power. Her relationships were not mere play; they were political, strategic, and emotional. They illustrate how, when a woman’s need to be wanted and a man’s need to be needed are honored, powerful alliances are formed that transcend mere affection and move into the realm of purpose.

Thus, the lesson for us today, as it was for those of the ancient world, is this: to understand the heart of another is to understand the fundamental needs that drive them. For a woman, to feel wanted is to feel cherished, to know that her existence brings joy and purpose. For a man, to feel needed is to know that his strength, his actions, and his sacrifice are integral to the well-being of those around him. In relationships, whether they are born of romance, friendship, or family, we must honor these needs by recognizing the essential value of the other person—not just in what they offer, but in how they make us feel as well.

Let us, therefore, walk forward with wisdom in our relationships, understanding that both men and women have unique yet equally profound needs. Men, seek to make your women feel wanted—not merely as objects of affection, but as beacons of value in your life. Women, let your men know they are needed, that their strengths are not only appreciated but required for the growth of the bond you share. Only in honoring both desires can we achieve the deep, harmonious love that both sustains and uplifts us. For in this balance lies the key to true connection—the powerful and eternal force that binds all human hearts together.