You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve

The gentle hum of the café filled the space, the steady rhythm of rain against the window blending with the low murmur of conversation. Jack sat across from Jeeny, his coffee cup cradled in his hands, his gaze drifting toward the rain-soaked streets. Jeeny, sitting opposite him, seemed lost in thought, her fingers lightly tracing the rim of her cup.

Host: After a brief silence, Jeeny spoke, her voice thoughtful, but with a hint of curiosity.

Jeeny: “I came across a quote from Robert Frost today that made me reflect on parental love and expectations. He said, ‘You don’t have to deserve your mother’s love. You have to deserve your father’s.’ What do you think about that? Do you think there’s a different expectation when it comes to a father’s love versus a mother’s?”

Jack: He looked up, considering her words. “I think Frost’s quote touches on the idea of conditionality in love. The notion that a mother’s love is often unconditional—no matter what, she’ll love you—is a common belief. But with a father, it’s like there’s a sense of achievement that’s tied to his approval. Fathers, in many cases, are seen as figures of authority and guidance, so their love or approval often feels like something we have to earn through our actions or accomplishments.”

Jeeny: “Exactly. It’s like mothers are often the ones who give love freely, regardless of what we do. With fathers, there can sometimes be this sense of needing to prove ourselves, to earn their respect or approval. It’s not to say that fathers don’t love unconditionally, but the way that love is expressed can often feel more earned or merited, especially in certain cultural or family dynamics. There’s this notion that you have to show you’re worthy of their affection in a way that’s different from the way a mother’s love is given.”

Host: The rain outside had softened, leaving a quiet stillness in the café. Jack shifted slightly, his fingers still resting on his coffee cup as he continued.

Jack: “I think Frost’s quote speaks to the complexities of how love is received and given. It’s like with a mother, her love is inherently there, in a way. But with a father, there’s sometimes this expectation that you have to prove you’re capable or strong enough to deserve his love. It’s a bit like there’s more pressure in earning it, even if the love itself is still present.”

Jeeny: “Yes, and I think that dynamic can sometimes create a lot of pressure for children, especially if they feel like they’re not measuring up to some ideal of what they think their father expects. With a mother, there might be more nurturing and understanding without the same level of expectation. But with a father, it can feel like a constant need to prove yourself—whether through achievement, behavior, or simply living up to his vision of who you should be.”

Host: The conversation seemed to deepen, as both Jack and Jeeny reflected on the layers of complexity in parental love. Jack set his coffee cup down gently, his expression softening.

Jack: “That’s the tricky part, isn’t it? How these dynamics shape our sense of self-worth. The idea of earning a father’s love can shape how we view ourselves and the world around us. But I also think it’s important to recognize that love from both parents—whether unconditional or conditional—is still deeply valuable. It’s just expressed differently. Both kinds of love are necessary for different aspects of growth.”

Jeeny: Her smile was small but filled with understanding. “Exactly. Whether we’re seeking unconditional love from a mother or trying to earn approval from a father, both forms of love have a role in shaping who we are. They both give us something important—a sense of belonging and purpose. And in the end, it’s about finding a balance between the two, learning from both kinds of love, and appreciating the lessons they bring.”

Host: The rain had stopped, and the stillness in the café felt reflective. Inside, Jack and Jeeny sat in the realization that while the dynamics of parental love can be different, both types of love—unconditional and conditional—serve important roles in shaping us. Robert Frost’s words remind us that love from a mother and a father may be expressed in unique ways, but both contribute to our growth, our sense of identity, and our understanding of the world. Both forms of love are essential, and they each have a unique place in our lives.