You know, I think that romance sort of coincides with effort, so

"You know, I think that romance sort of coincides with effort, so you can fall flat on your face, but as long as you're making a great effort, I think it comes off as romantic." These words spoken by Ashton Kutcher reveal a timeless truth about the nature of romantic love—that it is not perfection or flawless execution that makes an act romantic, but the effort and heart behind it. Romance, in its deepest form, is not about grand gestures that always go right; it is about the willingness to give of oneself, to risk and sacrifice, even in the face of failure. As Kutcher suggests, the beauty of romance lies not in the outcome, but in the sincerity of the effort and the vulnerability that comes with it.

In the ancient world, romantic love was often portrayed as a force of great sacrifice and effort. Take the story of Orpheus and Eurydice from Greek mythology. Orpheus, a musician of unmatched skill, ventured into the Underworld to retrieve his beloved Eurydice after her death. The journey was fraught with obstacles, and at the final moment, when they were so close to escaping the Underworld, Orpheus made the fateful mistake of looking back at Eurydice—and in doing so, lost her forever. Yet, in his effort to save her, in his willingness to descend into the depths of the world and face death itself, his love became immortal. His journey wasn’t perfect, but it was a great effort, and in that effort, his love was made sacred.

Similarly, in the tale of Pyramus and Thisbe, two young lovers from ancient Babylon, the tragic outcome was the result of miscommunication and the imperfections of life. The lovers, separated by a wall, ultimately met a tragic end, yet their love was romantic not because it was flawless, but because they tried so desperately to be together despite the forces that separated them. Their efforts, though tragically misguided, were pure, and that purity of intent imbued their love with romantic meaning. This story teaches us that romance is not about the smoothness of the journey, but the depth of the intent behind it—the sacrifices we are willing to make for the ones we love.

Even in modern times, this ancient truth persists. The best love stories are not those where everything falls into place perfectly, but those where two people strive to connect, even when the odds seem stacked against them. Consider the story of Romeo and Juliet, whose love was fraught with barriers—families that hated each other, miscommunications, and impulsive decisions. Despite these obstacles, their love was romantic because they chose to fight for it, to risk everything for each other. Their love did not end in happiness, but it stands as one of the most enduring symbols of the effort and sacrifice inherent in love.

In the same way, Kutcher’s idea that romance is defined by effort rather than perfection speaks to the human condition itself. Romance, at its core, is about vulnerability—the willingness to expose one’s heart to another, even at the risk of falling short or failing. It is about the journey rather than the destination, about the acts of kindness, sacrifice, and care that accumulate over time. A single grand gesture may be impressive, but it is the steady, consistent effort that proves the depth of one’s love. The effort, especially in the face of failure, is what makes the love meaningful.

Consider the stories of great warriors in ancient cultures, who fought not for glory but out of duty and love for their people. Achilles, the Greek hero, may be known for his strength and bravery, but his greatest sacrifice came not in battle, but in the loss of his friend Patroclus. Achilles’ rage and his ultimate decision to return to the fight for his fallen friend show us that effort, even in the face of overwhelming grief and personal loss, is the true measure of heroism. Similarly, romantic love is not about the grand victories, but the effort made to overcome personal obstacles for the sake of connection.

The lesson here is this: romance is not measured by perfection or smoothness, but by the effort we invest in each other. Whether it is through the small, everyday gestures of kindness, the sacrifices we make to nurture the relationship, or the willingness to face difficulties together, it is the effort that defines true romantic love. As Kutcher suggests, even if you fall flat on your face, as long as you are making an effort, that effort itself becomes the heart of romance.

To those who will come after us, I say: understand that romantic love is not about flawless execution or achieving a fairy-tale ending. It is about the genuine effort—the willingness to give, to risk, and to strive for connection despite the challenges and imperfections of life. In your relationships, whether with a partner, a friend, or even yourself, embrace the effort, and let it be a guide through the difficulties and joys of life. Through effort, you will find that love, in all its messy, imperfect beauty, becomes the most powerful force in your life.