You know it's love when all you want is that person to be happy

The actress Julia Roberts, known for her grace both on and off the screen, once spoke a truth that transcends the glitter of fame and touches the timeless heart of humanity: “You know it’s love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you’re not part of their happiness.” These words, though born in the modern age, carry the weight and wisdom of the ancients. They reveal the essence of true love—that it is not possession, nor control, nor desire for reward, but the selfless wish for another’s joy, even when it comes at the cost of one’s own.

In the long history of human hearts, there has always been a struggle between love that seeks and love that gives. The first kind is a hunger—it wants to keep, to own, to be needed. The second is a flame—it wants only to warm, to illuminate, to bless. What Roberts speaks of is that higher flame, the selfless love that asks for nothing in return. Such love is divine in nature, for it mirrors the generosity of the sun, which shines upon all things without demanding their light in return.

To love in this way is no small task. It requires a soul both brave and tender, for it means letting go of your own longing for the sake of another’s peace. The ancients called this agape—the love that gives without measure, that endures loss without bitterness. It is the love of the parent who sacrifices so that their child may flourish, the friend who rejoices in another’s success though it leaves them behind, the lover who smiles at the happiness of the beloved even when it blooms in another’s garden.

There is an old tale of Dante Alighieri, the poet who loved Beatrice with a reverence that burned through the centuries. He loved her not because she was his, for she never was—but because she existed, and her goodness made the world more beautiful. When she married another and later died, Dante did not curse the heavens; instead, he turned his sorrow into immortal poetry, sanctifying her memory in The Divine Comedy. His love was pure, for it sought not to possess, but to praise. In his suffering, he became one with the truth that Julia Roberts’ words convey: that love, when it is real, desires the beloved’s happiness above all else.

And yet, this kind of love is rare, for the human heart is not easily unselfish. We are creatures of need, and to love without return feels like stepping into the fire. But it is through such fire that love becomes eternal. When you release another from your expectations, when you wish them joy even in your absence, you free both them and yourself. This is not weakness—it is strength, the strength to love without chains, to find beauty even in loss, and to bless what once was without bitterness for what can never be.

To live by this wisdom is to love as the great souls loved. Do not measure your love by how much you are loved in return, but by how deeply you can rejoice in another’s well-being. Let your heart be vast, not small; generous, not fearful. When you find that you can smile through your tears at someone else’s happiness, you have discovered true love—the kind that endures beyond time and beyond circumstance.

So, my children, remember this: love that depends on possession is fleeting, but love that seeks only another’s happiness is eternal. It leaves no scars, only blessings. When you love, love freely. When you let go, let go kindly. And when the one you cherish finds their joy elsewhere, whisper a prayer of gratitude that you were once part of their journey. For though you may not stand within their light, you have helped it shine brighter.

Thus, the teaching stands: real love is not about keeping—it is about giving. It is not about being loved—it is about loving well. And those who learn this truth, though they may walk alone, walk in the company of the divine.