Barbara Deming

Barbara Deming – Life, Thought, and Legacy

Barbara Deming (1917–1984) was an American feminist, writer, and advocate of nonviolent social change. Explore her biography, activism, major works, and enduring influence.

Introduction

Barbara Deming was a pioneering feminist writer and activist who integrated personal experience, nonviolent philosophy, and radical social critique. As a lesbian, pacifist, and thinker, she challenged norms both in the private sphere and in political movements. Her writings, protests, and institution-building efforts continue to inspire activists and feminist artists long after her death.

In her view, writing itself was a form of activism: to live honestly, speak truthfully, and resist by steadfast commitment.

Early Life and Education

Barbara Deming was born July 23, 1917 in New York City. Harold Simpson Deming, an admiralty lawyer, and Katherine Burritt Deming, a former singer and women’s suffrage supporter.

Her schooling was influenced by her Quaker roots: she attended the Friends Seminary (a Quaker school) from kindergarten through high school in New York City. New City, Rockland County, which exposed her to more bohemian and artistic environments.

In 1934, she enrolled at Bennington College in Vermont, studying English literature and drama; she graduated in 1938. Western Reserve University (now part of Case Western Reserve, in Cleveland), completing it around 1941.

Deming’s early ambition was theatrical work: at Bennington she co-founded a stock company, directed summer performances, and even worked with Orson Welles’s Mercury Theatre in New York in her early post-college years.

Entry into Writing & Transition to Activism

Even in her young years, Deming had a deep drive to write, especially poetry. She reportedly began writing poetry around age 16, coinciding with her early recognition of her lesbian identity.

In the mid-1950s and into the 1960s, a turning point occurred: a trip to India exposed her to Gandhi’s nonviolent philosophy, which resonated with her Quaker sensibilities.

By the late 1950s and early 1960s, Deming began engaging in civil rights and peace activism, participating in marches, protests, and civil disobedience.

Her activism was not abstract: she was arrested multiple times for acts of nonviolent protest, including demonstrations at the Pentagon, protests in the South, peace marches, and feminist actions.

Intellectual & Feminist Contributions

Nonviolent Theory & Feminist Thought

Deming developed a form of feminist nonviolence—one that emphasized the necessity of resisting oppression within personal relationships and social structures, not just in overt political arenas. She argued that those we love can also oppress us, and that nonviolent resistance must be continuously reinvented.

Her essays and books frequently explore the interplay between inner life and public action. She insisted that the personal was part of the political: how we live, speak, and relate is itself a terrain of justice and resistance.

Major Works

Some of Deming’s key writings include:

• Prison Notes (1966) — reflections from her jail experiences and women’s activism.

• On Revolution and Equilibrium (1968) — essays on maintaining balance in radical struggle and life.

• Running Away from Myself: A Dream Portrait of America Drawn from the Movies of the Forties (1969) — a cultural critique using mid-20th-century films.

• Wash Us and Comb Us: Stories (1972) — short stories.

• We Cannot Live Without Our Lives (1974) — philosophical essays on connection, community, and survival.

• Remembering Who We Are (1981) — dialogues and reflections.

• We Are All Part of One Another: A Barbara Deming Reader (1984) — anthology edited by Jane Meyerding.

• A Humming Under My Feet: A Book of Travail — published posthumously.

• Prisons That Could Not Hold — expanded version of Prison Notes.

• I Change, I Change: Poems by Barbara Deming — published after her death.

Her papers and manuscripts are held at the Schlesinger Library (Radcliffe/Harvard).

Institution Building: The Barbara Deming Memorial Fund

In 1975, Deming founded Money for Women, a grant-making fund to support feminist artists (writers, visual artists) who often lacked access to institutional funding. The Barbara Deming Memorial Fund, and remains one of the longest-running feminist arts funding organizations.

Later Years & Death

In early 1984, Deming was diagnosed with cancer, originating in her ovaries and later metastasizing. Sugarloaf Key, Florida, where she lived with her partner and friends.

On August 2, 1984, Barbara Deming died after a brief coma.

Her last note to friends reflected her characteristic awareness of life’s fragility and commitment to connection.

Personality, Relationships & Identity

Barbara Deming was openly lesbian at a time of severe societal stigma. She first fell in love at age 16 with a woman older than her, and consciously grappling with her identity became integral to her creative life.

From 1954 to 1969, she was in a long-term relationship with Mary Meigs, a painter and writer. Jane Verlaine (also known as Jane Gapen/Watrous), an artist and radical activist.

She also had shorter, formative relationships earlier in life, including with Vida Ginsberg in the 1930s–1940s.

Deming’s approach to love, identity, and resistance was deeply interwoven: she believed that the personal, emotional, and political were inseparable. Her courage lay in insisting on truth in every dimension.

Legacy & Influence

Barbara Deming’s influence spans feminism, nonviolence, queer theory, and arts activism:

• She left a framework for feminist nonviolence that many activists continue to draw upon.

• Her insistence that “writing is activism” empowered individuals who felt their daily lives were the ground of justice.

• The Barbara Deming Memorial Fund continues to support feminist artists whose voices might otherwise go unheard.

• Her example as a lesbian feminist who challenged both patriarchy and homophobia inspired subsequent feminist, LGBTQ+, and peace movements.

• Scholars, activists, and writers study her essays and activism as a bridge between civil rights, peace movements, and feminist thought.

Her life is documented in Martin Duberman’s biography A Saving Remnant: The Radical Lives of Barbara Deming and David McReynolds (2011) and is further captured in archival film projects such as Silent Pioneers.

Notable Quotes

Here are several quotes attributed to Barbara Deming or preserved in her writings:

• “Think first about the action that is right to take and think later about coping with one’s fears.”

• “Often those whom we love are also those who oppress us.”

• “Writing … could itself be named activism.”

• “I believe in nonviolent struggle as an ongoing, lived practice—not a fixed doctrine.” (summarized from her essays)

Lessons from Barbara Deming

From her life and work, several enduring lessons emerge:

1. Live your integrity. Deming taught that activism is not something separate from life—it’s how one lives every moment, speaks every truth, resists every injustice.

2. Nonviolence demands creativity. She believed nonviolent struggle must constantly be reimagined, not simply repeated from past templates.

3. The personal is political. Deming’s life demonstrates how love, identity, and relationships are central terrains in the fight for justice.

4. Support marginalized voices. Through funding feminist artists, she left infrastructure for voices that might otherwise be silenced.

5. Persist despite rejection. Her early work was often turned away, yet she continued writing and defining her path. Her persistence is a model of resilience.

Conclusion

Barbara Deming was a radical in both thought and life—a writer who turned inward into outward resistance, a lover who refused to silence, and a thinker who believed nonviolence must be lived daily. Her legacy lives in feminist theory, writings of resistance, artistic support, and moral witnesses across generations.