Lewis B. Smedes
Lewis B. Smedes – Life, Career, and Famous Quotes
Explore the life and legacy of Lewis B. Smedes — American theologian, ethicist, and bestselling author. Discover his teachings, famous quotes, and lessons on forgiveness, love, and moral courage.
Introduction
Lewis Benedictus Smedes (August 20, 1921 – December 19, 2002) was a deeply influential American Christian theologian, ethicist, and author whose writings on forgiveness, moral life, and spirituality continue to touch hearts across generations. Known especially for his accessible style and profound insight into human brokenness, Smedes remains celebrated for bridging the gap between theological reflection and day-to-day living. His legacy endures in the ways people grapple with pain, justice, grace, and healing.
Early Life and Family
Lewis B. Smedes was born on August 20, 1921 in Muskegon, Michigan, the youngest of five children. His parents, Melle Smedes and Rena (née Renske), had emigrated from Friesland in the Netherlands. Tragically, when Lewis was only two months old, his father died while building their home, leaving Rena to raise the children largely on her own. Growing up in that context of loss and struggle likely shaped Smedes’s sensitivity to human suffering and the longing for forgiveness and healing.
His siblings and his mother formed a tight-knit family, and the loss of his father so early must have instilled in him a sense of dependency, vulnerability, and resilience.
In 1948, Smedes married Doris Dekker. They remained married for 54 years, until his death, and had three children, as well as grandchildren.
Youth and Education
Smedes’s intellectual journey was marked by a strong foundation in Christian thinking and a cross-cultural theological formation.
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He completed his undergraduate studies at Calvin College, earning his B.A.
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He then studied at Calvin Theological Seminary, obtaining a B.D. (or Th.B.) degree.
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Afterward, he pursued doctoral studies at the Free University of Amsterdam, earning a Th.D. in 1954.
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Beyond that, he undertook graduate work in Europe, including study at Oxford University and the University of Basel.
His educational path immersed him in both Reformed theology (through the Calvin institutions) and the rigorous European theological tradition, equipping him for a scholarly life that was nonetheless accessible to lay readers.
Career and Achievements
Academic and Teaching Role
After finishing his studies, Smedes began his teaching and ministry career:
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From 1957 to 1970, he served on the faculty of Calvin College, teaching religion.
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In 1968–1969, he held a teaching post at the Free University in Amsterdam.
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In 1970, Smedes joined Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, California, as full professor of theology and ethics.
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Over the years at Fuller, he taught theology, ethics, and later integrative studies in psychology until his retirement in 1995.
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He also served as department chair in theology and ethics, and later chaired integrative studies of psychology.
In 2001, Fuller Seminary honored his influence by establishing the Lewis B. Smedes Chair of Christian Ethics.
Writings and Books
Smedes was a remarkably prolific author whose works were aimed not only at scholars but at ordinary Christians seeking spiritual and moral guidance. He published around 15 books over his lifetime. Some of his most notable works include:
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Forgive & Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve (1984) — perhaps his most widely known book, addressing forgiveness in deeply practical ways
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A Pretty Good Person: What It Takes to Live with Courage, Gratitude & Integrity
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Choices: Making Right Decisions in a Complex World
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Mere Morality: What God Expects From Ordinary People
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The Art of Forgiving
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Shame and Grace: Healing the Shame We Don’t Deserve
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Sex for Christians
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My God and I: A Spiritual Memoir (posthumous publication in 2003)
Smedes’s writing style combined theological insight with relatable storytelling, making difficult topics like forgiveness, suffering, shame, and sexuality easier to grasp.
Historical Milestones & Context
Smedes’s life unfolded during many cultural shifts:
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He came of age during the mid-20th century when theological scholarship was increasingly challenged to address modern existential questions, secularism, and the moral complexities of post–World War II life.
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His tenure at Fuller Seminary placed him at one of the key hubs of evangelical and Reformed thought in America during the late 20th century.
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He witnessed and engaged debates about moral issues—sexual ethics, social justice, personal identity, forgiveness—in a time when many Christians were reexamining traditional stances in light of contemporary culture.
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The popularity of his books in the 1970s–1990s corresponds to a broader hunger for works that bridge faith and life, dealing with brokenness, reconciliation, and spiritual integrity.
His particular contribution was giving theological credence to emotional, relational, and psychological dimensions—areas often sidelined in more abstract theological discourse.
Legacy and Influence
Lewis B. Smedes left behind a rich legacy in several ways:
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Enduring Popularity of His Books: His works, especially Forgive & Forget, remain widely read and quoted by Christians seeking practical wisdom on relational wounds and reconciliation.
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Ethics Chair in His Name: The Lewis B. Smedes Chair of Christian Ethics at Fuller Seminary continues to uphold the values he championed.
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Archives and Papers: Collections of his papers are preserved at Calvin University and Fuller Theological Seminary, providing resources for scholars and students.
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Influence on Pastors, Counselors, and Lay Readers: Because of his ability to relate theology to everyday pain, many pastors, counselors, and ordinary believers have been shaped by his reflections on forgiveness, shame, ethics, and healing.
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Continuing Quotation and Citation: His memorable lines—especially on forgiveness—are frequently cited in sermons, devotionals, blogs, and Christian literature.
Though he passed away on December 19, 2002, in Sierra Madre, California after suffering a fall, his voice continues as people return to his books for solace and guidance.
Personality and Talents
Lewis Smedes was often described as warm, empathetic, and honest—qualities that undergirded the trust readers placed in his reflections.
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His personal history of loss and struggle gave him credibility when writing about sorrow, forgiveness, and reconciliation.
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He had a gift for bridging perception and theology: translating dense theological truths into stories, analogies, and language people could grasp.
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He refused to sentimentalize suffering; instead, he faced raw emotions (anger, bitterness, shame) and invited readers into a process of healing.
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Intellectually, he was well trained, conversant in European and Reformed traditions; emotionally, he was grounded in pastoral sensitivity.
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He balanced moral seriousness with compassion, never opting for easy platitudes but leaning into the tension between justice and grace.
His talent lay in making theology humane, and making moral reflection accessible to ordinary lives.
Famous Quotes of Lewis B. Smedes
Here are some of his most resonant quotes (along with context and reflection):
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“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
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Perhaps his most famous line, this captures how forgiveness liberates not just relationship but the inner life.
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“Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember.”
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“You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.”
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“When we forgive evil we do not excuse it, we do not tolerate it… only then do we forgive it.”
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“It takes one person to forgive, it takes two people to be reunited.”
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“The rule is: we cannot really forgive ourselves unless we look at the failure in our past and call it by its right name.”
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“Our history is an inevitable component of our being. One thing only can release us from the grip of our history. That one thing is forgiveness.”
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“Forgiving is love’s toughest work, and love’s biggest risk.”
These quotations illustrate his central themes: that forgiveness is both necessary and costly, and that in letting go of pain we reclaim ourselves.
Lessons from Lewis B. Smedes
From studying his life and writings, several lessons emerge:
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Forgiveness changes the forgiver
Smedes teaches that forgiveness is not a favor to the wrongdoer but a healing act for the wounded soul. -
Memory must be redeemed, not erased
He insists that healing doesn’t require forgetting; instead, we transform how we remember. -
Holding tension between justice and grace
He never denies that wrong must be acknowledged or accountability maintained; yet he holds up grace as the possibility for new life. -
Spiritual life intersects with emotional life
True theology must reckon with anger, shame, sorrow, and hope—not just ideas but our inner wounds. -
Courage to name failure
He encourages honesty: to call sin and brokenness by its name as a path toward freedom. -
Patience in growth
Rarely does he promise instant miracles. Healing takes time; forgiveness is often a process with lapses and renewals. -
Writing for the ordinary
He shows that theology need not be elitist; deep truths can be shared with everyday people longing for healing.
Conclusion
Lewis B. Smedes remains a luminous guide for those navigating the painful terrain of human brokenness. His life—born of early loss, shaped by theological training, and dedicated to teaching and writing—gave birth to reflections that continue to comfort, challenge, and inspire. His famous quotes on forgiveness remain touchstones, not because they are easy, but because they speak to the deepest longings of the heart: to be healed, to be freed, to live again.
May readers today continue to discover in Smedes a companion in sorrow, a wise counselor in moral struggle, and a voice of hope that whispers: forgiveness is possible, joy is still possible, and we are not beyond redemption.