Pauline Phillips

Pauline Phillips – Life, Career, and Memorable Wisdom

Learn about Pauline Phillips (1918–2013), best known as “Dear Abby” columnist, her life’s journey, her influence on American culture, her advice style, and her lasting quotes.

Introduction

Pauline Esther Phillips, better known by her pen name Abigail Van Buren, was an American advice columnist, writer, and radio personality who became a household name through her “Dear Abby” column. From its inception in 1956 until she gradually passed it on to her daughter, her advice reached millions, shaping societal conversations over marriage, family, morality, and interpersonal relationships. Her style—direct, witty, warm, yet firm—helped redefine the advice column as a form of practical, personal journalism.

Early Life and Family

• Born: July 4, 1918, in Sioux City, Iowa

• Parents: Russian Jewish immigrants — Abraham B. Friedman and Rebecca (née Rushall)

• She was the youngest of four daughters and had an identical twin sister, Esther Pauline Friedman, who later became the famous advice columnist Ann Landers

From a young age, Pauline and her sister showed a knack for writing and insight into people’s problems. In college, they both studied journalism and psychology, and together they wrote a gossip column for their school newspaper under the pen name “PE-EP,” derived from their initials.

She graduated from Central High School in Sioux City and went on to study at Morningside College.

Career and Achievements

The Birth of “Dear Abby”

In January 1956, at age 37, Pauline Phillips approached the San Francisco Chronicle and volunteered to write a better advice column than the one they currently ran. Abigail Van Buren, choosing “Abigail” from the biblical figure and “Van Buren” from President Martin Van Buren.

Within weeks she was hired. Her first column under “Dear Abby” appeared January 9, 1956.

Expansion, Style & Influence

• Her column grew rapidly in popularity. At its height, Dear Abby was syndicated in approximately 1,400 newspapers and read daily by over 100 million people.

• From 1963 to 1975, she also hosted a daily radio version of “Dear Abby” on CBS.

• Her tone blended compassion, humor, realism, and firmness: she would often deliver a “kick in the pants” when needed, but she also comforted and guided readers with empathy.

Her column addressed topics both everyday (marriage troubles, etiquette, family disputes) and weighty (mental health, homosexuality, domestic violence). In the 1980s and later, she became more visible as an advocate for tolerance, women’s rights, AIDS awareness, and broad social openness.

Later Years & Succession

• In 2000, Pauline began sharing authorship of the column with her daughter, Jeanne Phillips.

• By 2002, Jeanne became the sole credited author, as Pauline’s health declined due to Alzheimer’s disease.

• Pauline Phillips passed away January 16, 2013, in Minneapolis at age 94.

Historical Context & Significance

Pauline Phillips rose to prominence in a post-War America when newspapers were a major medium for public discourse. Her column became a trusted space for personal confessions, moral dilemmas, and cultural shifts.

She and her sister Ann Landers (Esther) were part of a transformation of advice columns—from sentimental, moralistic soliloquies to candid, psychologically aware dialogues.

At times, Pauline’s forthright style led her into controversy. But she often took public stances: for example, she once directed a parent of a gay child toward PFLAG and affirmed that sexual orientation is inborn.

Her column also played a public role in destigmatizing issues such as mental illness, divorce, and sexual ethics.

Personality and Approach

Pauline Phillips combined warmth and directness. She was not afraid to challenge a reader, but she also aimed to preserve dignity and respect. Her letters often reveal curiosity about human nature, and she listened in a deeply engaged way.

She believed in making advice approachable: avoiding jargon, focusing on plain language, and linking encouragement with accountability. She received thousands of letters a week, and when she feared a correspondent was suicidal or in crisis, she sometimes responded personally by phone.

Behind the public persona, she supported causes quietly—women’s rights, civil liberties, AIDS support—and took positions of tolerance and openness.

Her twin sister relationship also colored her life: the two had a fierce professional rivalry, particularly as both became leading advice columnists, and their relationship suffered for many years before a later reconciliation.

Selected Quotes & Advice Lines

Because her work was mostly in the form of responses, she didn’t always issue “quotes” in the usual sense, but several lines and principles stand out (from her columns or public statements):

• “Fear less; hope more. Eat less; chew more. Talk less; say more.” — A favorite Swedish toast she often cited in her columns.

• On homosexuality: “Nobody can pinpoint the time he or she decided to be a heterosexual or homosexual — it’s inborn.”

• On her philosophy of advice: she maintained a balance between being sympathetic and being realistic—“Yes, some are kooks, some fabricate problems, but I can usually spot the phonies.”

Because much of her best counsel arises in context, the clearest “lessons” are drawn from her style and ethos.

Lessons from Pauline Phillips

1. Speak Plainly, Think Deeply
   One of her strengths was expressing meaningful advice in everyday language. Clarity doesn’t require oversimplification.

2. Balance Compassion with Tough Love
   Her style combined empathy with frankness—supporting people, but also urging accountability.

3. The Role of Public Advice
   Pauline showed that giving advice publicly can help many people at once. The letter from one person often resonates far beyond that individual.

4. Listening as a Gift
   She believed in deeply listening to people’s problems; advice is only as good as the understanding that precedes it.

5. Evolve with Social Change
   Over decades, her column adapted to changing norms: she addressed issues once taboo (gay rights, divorce, mental illness) openly. She didn’t stay stuck in old scripts.

6. Legacy Through Continuity
   Rather than ending with her illness, she passed the baton to her daughter, ensuring continuity of voice and mission.

Conclusion

Pauline Phillips, under the names Dear Abby / Abigail Van Buren, influenced generations by bringing wise, witty, and honest counsel into daily homes. Her column became more than entertainment—it became a moral and emotional touchstone, helping many feel heard, understood, and guided.

Her legacy lies not just in the advice she gave, but in how she gave it—with dignity, candor, and heart. Even today, in a media-saturated world, the model of straightforward, humane advice remains rare—and her example continues to inspire columnists, counselors, and everyday people.