Tommy Dorfman

Tommy Dorfman – Life, Career, and Selected Quotes

Learn about Tommy Dorfman (born May 13, 1992), the American actor, director, writer, and advocate known for 13 Reasons Why, their journey in identity and transition, and their reflections in their own words.

Introduction

Tommy Dorfman is an American performer with a dynamic career in television, theatre, film, writing, and advocacy. Best known for portraying Ryan Shaver in Netflix’s 13 Reasons Why, Dorfman has also emerged as a voice for LGBTQ+ visibility and authenticity.

Throughout her journey, she has navigated public recognition, evolving personal identity, and creative growth—making her story compelling in both artistic and social dimensions.

Early Life and Education

Tommy Dorfman was born on May 13, 1992 in Atlanta, Georgia, into a Jewish family. She completed her schooling in Atlanta and eventually moved to New York.

She studied drama and theatre arts at Fordham University, graduating in 2015 with a B.A. in theatre arts. Her theatre training and academic grounding provided a foundation for her varied work across stage, screen, and behind the scenes.

Career and Achievements

Breakthrough & Screen Work

Dorfman’s breakout role came in 2017 when she was cast as Ryan Shaver in 13 Reasons Why. The series dealt with controversial but socially relevant themes such as bullying, mental health, and identity, which aligned with her later advocacy work.

Following 13 Reasons Why, she took on parts in various television shows, films, and projects—including Jane the Virgin, American Princess, Love, Victor, and Sharp Stick.

In 2019, Dorfman made her New York stage debut in Jeremy O. Harris’s play Daddy (produced by The New Group).

In 2024, she directed and co-wrote the film I Wish You All the Best.

She also has involvement in fashion — for instance, collaborating with ASOS on a fashion collection early in her career.

Personal Life & Identity Journey

One of the most public facets of Dorfman’s life is her evolving journey of gender identity and public self-identification:

• Early in her career, Dorfman came out as queer.

• In November 2017, Dorfman publicly identified as nonbinary, using they/them pronouns at the time.

• On July 22, 2021, Dorfman announced that she is a transgender woman, and began using she/her pronouns. She shared that she had already been “privately identifying and living as a woman” for some time prior to the public announcement.

• Dorfman chose to retain the name “Tommy,” which has deep personal resonance (in honor of her maternal uncle who passed away).

• In May 2024, Dorfman revealed that she had eloped with her partner Elise Williams in late 2023.

• She had previously married Peter Zurkuhlen on November 12, 2016; they divorced amicably by 2021.

Her public openness about gender, sexuality, and mental health has made her a visible advocate for transgender and queer visibility.

Personality, Impact & Advocacy

Dorfman has repeatedly emphasized authenticity, emotional resonance, and responsibility in her work and public presence. Her experiences in the entertainment industry, self-discovery, and navigation of identity have informed her approach to roles and public discourse.

She uses her platform to speak about LGBTQ+ representation in media, the importance of inclusive storytelling, and the need to move beyond “coming out” narratives to narratives of everyday living.

She often discusses the interplay between personal identity and public performance, and how creative work can serve as a form of self-expression and advocacy.

Selected Quotes

Here are some notable quotes attributed to Tommy Dorfman that reflect her perspectives:

“I started by playing with my mom’s lipsticks, then in ballet I would apply my own stage makeup.”
“I love when an outfit embodies the fluidity of my gender — it makes me feel the most confident and grounded …”
“But basically, at the end of the day, I want to do meaningful work that I'm proud of — whether only 3 people see it or 300,000,000.”
“I love being home and being cozy, even if it’s in a nightgown and some UGG boots!”
“I feel like, almost overnight … I’ve become a queer advocate without even meaning to.”
“‘13 Reasons Why’ includes LGBTQ people … They’re just living, breathing, human beings who happen to be different …”

These lines capture her blend of introspection, humor, and commitment to representation.

Lessons from Tommy Dorfman

1. Authenticity matters — Being open about identity, transition, and vulnerabilities can inspire others and reshape narratives.

2. Art is political — Her roles and projects often engage with social themes; she sees creative work as a space for advocacy.

3. Growth is ongoing — Dorfman’s journey shows identity isn’t static; it evolves over time.

4. Visibility has power — Her public reintroduction journey (as a trans woman) underscores the significance of representation.

5. Value meaning over scale — Her desire to create meaningful work—regardless of audience size—reinforces the importance of impact beyond metrics.

Conclusion

Tommy Dorfman (born May 13, 1992) is a multifaceted artist, whose journey from 13 Reasons Why actor to an outspoken transgender woman, writer, director, and advocate exemplifies a life lived with courage and purpose. Her creative work and personal voice remind us that identities are lived experiences, and that art, visibility, and authenticity are deeply intertwined.