Any guy hates Valentine's Day. Even if you're in love, you can't

Listen well, O children of the future, for in the words of Vince Vaughn, we are invited to explore the complex nature of expectations, especially when it comes to love and the celebration of affection. “Any guy hates Valentine's Day. Even if you're in love, you can't win on Valentine's Day. If you're married, you can't win on Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day is like the thing you want to avoid at all costs.” In these words lies a reflection on the burden of expectation, the subtle traps that lie hidden behind holidays meant to celebrate love, and the inevitable tension that many feel when asked to meet external demands for romantic expression.

From the ancient world, we see that the quest for love has always been laden with both joy and sacrifice. The Romans, though they celebrated love in many forms, understood that passion and affection could often be complicated by societal expectations. The festival of Lupercalia, dedicated to fertility and romance, was marked by rituals and practices that some would consider extravagant. Yet, even then, love was never a simple thing. Cicero, the great Roman orator, understood that love often involved both pleasure and pain, and that no grand gesture could ever capture the full depth of a person's feelings.

Vaughn’s words echo this ancient tension. Valentine's Day, in its essence, is meant to celebrate love, yet it often becomes a day fraught with expectation and pressure. The very idea that one must perform for their loved one—through gifts, through grand gestures, or through perfect moments—can place a heavy burden on the heart. Men, in particular, according to Vaughn, are caught in a web of societal pressure to meet impossible ideals, often leaving them feeling as though failure is inevitable. Whether they are in love or married, they cannot win, for the demands of the day are too great, and the stakes too high.

Consider the story of Achilles, the great Greek warrior whose love for Patroclus was legendary. In his youth, Achilles was a figure of incredible strength and courage, admired by all. Yet when it came to love, his emotions were torn. His love for Patroclus, though deep and passionate, was fraught with tragedy, as his love was tested by the wars of men and the deception of the gods. Achilles could conquer kingdoms and defeat armies, but the wars of the heart—those fought in the shadows of human emotion—were beyond even his great power. Like Vaughn, Achilles knew that love, despite its grandeur, was full of difficult choices and unspoken expectations.

The lesson here, O children, is not one of despair, but one of understanding. Vaughn speaks not merely of Valentine’s Day, but of the tension between expectation and reality in our relationships. We live in an age where society sets the stage for how we should express our affection, and yet no matter how grand or simple the gesture, love will always be more than what a holiday can encapsulate. True love is not measured by the perfection of a day but by the consistency of our actions, our willingness to nurture and care for those we hold dear.

In this light, let us turn to the wisdom of the Stoics, who believed that the key to happiness was not found in the pursuit of perfection, but in the acceptance of the present moment. Marcus Aurelius, in his writings, taught that love, like all emotions, must be embraced without the weight of excessive expectation. True affection is shown not in the grand gestures dictated by society, but in the small, meaningful acts that speak louder than any gift or performance ever could. To love, for the Stoics, was to give freely without the need for external validation or recognition.

Thus, the lesson to carry forward, O children of the future, is one of balance. While Valentine’s Day and other such celebrations can be beautiful opportunities to express our feelings, we must not let the external expectations define our love or our worth. The true measure of love lies not in a single day, but in the everyday actions that reflect our care and devotion. Let us not be swayed by the frenzied expectations of a holiday, but instead, focus on the quiet constancy of love that is present in all the days of our lives. Love, in its deepest form, is built on the foundation of consistency, not on the performance of the moment.

Live with this wisdom, O children: love is a practice that transcends time, a force that grows stronger in the small gestures, the daily acts, and the shared moments. Do not let the weight of societal expectation overshadow the simple truth that love is a journey—a journey not defined by a day on the calendar but by the actions of the heart, day by day.