Before the child ever gets to school it will have received

The words of Mary Calderone, physician and pioneer in public health, cut to the very root of human growth: “Before the child ever gets to school it will have received crucial, almost irrevocable sex education and this will have been taught by the parents, who are not aware of what they are doing.” In this sentence, she unveils a truth often ignored—that the first lessons of a child’s understanding of the body, love, intimacy, and respect are not spoken from books or teachers, but are absorbed silently in the home, long before the school bell rings.

What does Calderone mean by crucial, almost irrevocable? She speaks of the earliest impressions, the unspoken teachings that shape a child’s sense of self and others. How parents speak—or remain silent—about the body, how they show affection or shame, how they treat one another in the sight of their children: these things sink deep into the heart of the young. Long before a child can spell the word "education," they have already received it, through glances, gestures, tones of voice, and patterns of behavior. These early teachings are so powerful that they often endure for a lifetime, for they are not merely learned but lived.

The ancients knew the power of the household. In Rome, it was said that the paterfamilias shaped not only the destiny of his family, but the destiny of the state, for from the habits of the home came the habits of society. If the home was filled with cruelty or secrecy, children carried those scars into adulthood. If it was filled with honesty, dignity, and affection, then children grew into citizens of integrity. Calderone, like the sages of old, reminds us that the earliest education begins not with formal instruction but with example.

Consider a story from more recent times: in the early 20th century, many families regarded discussion of the body as shameful. Children grew up in silence, learning not through guidance but through whispers, rumors, or distorted ideas from their peers. Such children often carried confusion, guilt, or fear into their adult lives, unable to reconcile their natural humanity with the stigma imposed upon them. In contrast, where parents spoke gently, truthfully, and without shame, children matured with confidence, respect, and compassion. Here we see Calderone’s wisdom embodied: that the unspoken lessons of parents are often more enduring than formal school teachings.

Her words are not condemnation, but warning: parents are teaching even when they do not know it. Every sigh of discomfort, every harsh word about the body, every avoidance of questions, becomes a lesson. Likewise, every expression of love, every calm answer, every display of respect, becomes a guiding star. Children are like clay—soft and impressionable in the early years, hardened with time. Once hardened, the impressions cannot easily be erased. Thus Calderone speaks of teachings that are “almost irrevocable.”

The meaning for us is clear: we must awaken to the fact that education begins at home, silently and invisibly, long before school begins. Parents must be conscious of the example they set, not only in words but in attitudes, gestures, and relationships. If they wish their children to grow into healthy, whole beings, they must first confront their own discomforts, their own inherited silences, and choose instead to teach with honesty and love.

Therefore, O listener, take this lesson to heart: guard your words, but even more, guard your attitudes, for children learn not only from what you say, but from how you live. Do not hide truth behind shame, nor wrap love in silence. Speak with dignity, act with compassion, and let the first lessons your child learns be those of respect, acceptance, and care. For in the home lies the seed of all education, and from that seed grows the future of humanity itself. Let your unspoken lessons be as noble as your spoken ones, and your children will carry wisdom into every corner of their lives.