Beware of men who cry. It's true that men who cry are sensitive

O seekers of wisdom, hear the words of Nora Ephron, a woman whose keen understanding of the human condition cut through the veil of emotion and truth: "Beware of men who cry. It’s true that men who cry are sensitive to and in touch with feelings, but the only feelings they tend to be sensitive to and in touch with are their own." These words, though spoken in the context of relationships, speak to a greater truth about the nature of empathy, self-awareness, and the complexities of human emotion. Ephron calls us to reflect on the idea that sensitivity to one’s own emotions is not the same as true emotional depth or the ability to truly understand the feelings of others. It is a cautionary tale that urges us to recognize that true empathy requires more than the ability to feel—it requires the ability to step outside of oneself.

In the ancient world, the greatest heroes and philosophers understood that true virtue lies not in self-indulgence or in being in tune only with one's own suffering, but in the ability to feel the suffering of others and to act for the common good. The Greek philosophers, particularly Aristotle, spoke of phronesis, or practical wisdom, which was not just about understanding one’s own emotions but also about understanding how one’s actions affect others. The truly virtuous person is not one who dwells solely on his own emotions, but one who uses his feelings as a compass to understand and act in the world with compassion for all. Ephron’s words remind us that while emotional sensitivity is a virtue, it can easily slip into self-centeredness if it is not tempered with a deeper awareness of the world and others.

Consider, O children, the story of Achilles, the great warrior of Troy. In the Iliad, Achilles is portrayed as a man who is deeply in touch with his own grief and rage—his tears flow freely at the loss of his beloved Patroclus, and yet he is often blind to the broader consequences of his actions. His fury drives him into battle, but his self-absorption clouds his judgment. Achilles’ grief, though powerful, is self-centered, focused on his own loss and honor, rather than on the fate of his people. In this, we see the tragic flaw of a man who is not just moved by his own emotions, but ruled by them. Like Ephron’s cautionary words, Achilles serves as a reminder that it is not enough to be sensitive to one’s own pain; one must be capable of recognizing the suffering of others and acting for the greater good.

In the more modern world, the story of Vincent van Gogh provides a poignant example of the struggle between emotional sensitivity and self-awareness. Van Gogh, a man deeply in touch with his own emotional world, poured his heart into his art, creating works of staggering beauty and depth. Yet, his sensitivity was often overwhelming, leading to his isolation and suffering. His life was marked by intense emotional turmoil, and he struggled to connect with the world around him in a way that allowed for mutual understanding. His art, though a reflection of his inner pain, was often misunderstood. Van Gogh’s story highlights the danger of being consumed by one's own emotions without being able to engage meaningfully with the broader human experience. His tragic life serves as a reminder that while being in touch with one’s emotions is important, it is equally crucial to develop a broader sense of empathy and connection with others.

O children, the lesson here is clear: it is not enough to feel deeply. True empathy is not about being sensitive to one’s own emotions but about being able to step outside of oneself, to see the world through the eyes of others. Ephron’s words urge us to recognize that while it is noble to be in touch with our own feelings, we must also cultivate the ability to understand and connect with the emotions of those around us. Sensitivity that is centered only on the self leads to self-indulgence, while true emotional depth is about the ability to balance our own needs with the needs of others. We must not only care about our own pain, but also about the pain of those who walk alongside us.

In your own life, take heed of this teaching: do not allow your own feelings to isolate you from the world around you. Instead, seek to cultivate self-awareness alongside empathy—to understand your own emotions, but also to understand how others feel. Use your sensitivity not as a shield to protect yourself from the discomfort of the world, but as a tool to connect with those around you. True emotional strength is not in the act of crying or feeling deeply, but in the ability to turn that emotional energy into understanding, compassion, and action that benefits others. As Ephron warns, it is self-centeredness that can arise from unchecked emotion, but it is the balance of inner sensitivity with outward empathy that leads to the truest form of human connection.