For me, one of the toughest things about Valentine's Day is that

"For me, one of the toughest things about Valentine's Day is that it gets geared up as the day to profess your love. See, T-E-S-T - that's a bad word that doesn't go with L-O-V-E." These words, spoken by Matthew McConaughey, reflect a deep truth about the nature of love—that it cannot be reduced to a test or a performance for the world to see. McConaughey’s comment touches upon the tension that often arises on Valentine’s Day, when society pressures individuals to demonstrate their affection through specific actions, gifts, or gestures. To him, love should not be something that is measured or evaluated, for love is an emotion too pure, too genuine, to be tested in such a way. It is not something to prove for others, but something to experience deeply with one another.

In the ancient world, love was understood not as a passing emotion but as a profound bond that transcended external expectations and appearances. The Greeks celebrated eros, the god of romantic love, but they also recognized the complexity and depth of the emotional connections between individuals. Love, in the eyes of the ancients, was often seen as something mysterious, untouchable, and beyond the reach of societal tests or expectations. Socrates, for instance, approached love and relationships with philosophical depth. For him, love was tied to the pursuit of wisdom and intellectual connection, not merely to performative gestures. To Socrates, love was about the genuine connection between two souls, a connection that could not be tested or measured by external forces, but only understood through shared growth and understanding.

The Romans, too, understood that love could not be confined by external structures. Cicero, the famed orator and philosopher, wrote about love as something that is rooted in mutual respect, commitment, and shared purpose. His relationship with his wife, Terentia, was not defined by grand gestures or public proclamations but by the quiet partnership they shared in building their lives together. Even in a world where performative actions were sometimes required to maintain social status, love was valued as an enduring force, something that was not subject to external evaluation. The Romans, much like McConaughey, understood that the depth of love could not be tested or measured in the way that modern society often demands.

McConaughey’s point about the word “test” not aligning with “love” speaks to the nature of genuine affection—that it must be freely given and authentically felt, not something that is forced into a box or judged on one particular day. Valentine’s Day, for all of its romantic ideals, often creates a pressure to perform—to prove love by how much money is spent, how elaborate the plans are, or how grand the gestures. This type of test cheapens the authenticity of love. As McConaughey so eloquently puts it, love is not something that should be tested; it is something that should be experienced. The best expressions of love are those that are unscripted, genuine, and not bound by societal timelines or external judgments.

Consider the story of Hector and Andromache in Homer's Iliad. Their love, though set against the backdrop of war, was not based on public displays but on a quiet mutual respect and the shared grief they experienced. Hector’s farewell to his wife, knowing he may never return from battle, is not a grand speech filled with promises, but a simple and heartfelt expression of his deep love for her. Their relationship was not tested by the demands of society or the pressures of grand gestures; it was built on shared loss, dedication, and the emotional bond that exists between two people who truly care for one another. Their love was never about proving anything—it simply was.

The lesson in McConaughey’s words, and the ancient wisdom we draw from the Greeks and Romans, is clear: love is not something to be tested, measured, or proven on a single day. It is not a performance for the world to witness. True love is about genuine connection, shared experience, and a mutual commitment to each other. On Valentine’s Day, instead of seeing it as a test to pass, we should see it as an opportunity to honor the relationships in our lives by expressing love not through grand gestures but through simple and meaningful actions that reflect our true feelings. Love is about what is authentically shared—not about what can be quantified or evaluated.

In your own life, embrace the true spirit of love by rejecting the pressures to perform or prove it in a way that feels inauthentic. Let Valentine’s Day be a reminder that the greatest expressions of affection are those that come from a place of sincerity and genuine connection, not from external expectations or superficial standards. Spend time with the people you love in a way that reflects your deep care for them, whether it’s through a heartfelt conversation, a quiet dinner, or a simple gesture that speaks volumes. Let your love be something that you live every day, rather than something that is tested or put on display for a single moment. In this way, love becomes not a test to pass, but a journey to be shared.