If love means that one person absorbs the other, then no real
If love means that one person absorbs the other, then no real relationship exists any more. Love evaporates; there is nothing left to love. The integrity of self is gone.
When Ann Oakley declares, “If love means that one person absorbs the other, then no real relationship exists any more. Love evaporates; there is nothing left to love. The integrity of self is gone,” she speaks as one who discerns the delicate balance between union and individuality. Her words reveal the ancient truth that true love is not possession, nor is it the swallowing of one soul by another, but the harmony of two whole beings who choose to walk together.
The origin of this wisdom lies in Oakley’s work as a thinker and sociologist, where she examined the roles of gender, power, and intimacy. She saw that too often, especially in traditional unions, one identity is sacrificed at the altar of another, leaving a hollow shell where once there was vibrant partnership. In such a state, love cannot endure, for it demands the presence of two souls, not the domination of one over the other.
To say that love evaporates is to remind us that the flame of affection cannot survive in captivity. When the integrity of self is lost, there is no longer a true other to behold, cherish, or admire. Instead of the dance of equals, there remains only shadow and dependence, which withers the spirit and drains the bond of its life.
Her teaching also calls us to honor the sacredness of individuality within unity. A true relationship does not erase the self, but strengthens it, allowing each to grow while remaining bound by trust and affection. In this balance lies enduring love: two distinct voices creating harmony, not one silencing the other.
Let the generations remember: to preserve the self within love is not selfishness, but the condition of genuine union. Ann Oakley’s words endure as a warning and a guide — that real relationships are built upon respect for individuality, and that where the integrity of self is destroyed, love cannot remain.
DHDieu Huong
Ann Oakley’s quote makes me reflect on the importance of maintaining boundaries in relationships. Love should be about growth together, not losing yourself. How do you think people can stay true to themselves in relationships without creating distance? Can you have a truly fulfilling relationship while keeping a strong sense of self, or does deep emotional connection require some level of self-sacrifice?
NTLuu Pham Ngoc Thuong
Oakley’s take on love challenges the notion of complete devotion to a partner. It raises the question: how much of yourself should you give up for someone else? When does love cross the line into something that feels controlling or all-consuming? Is it possible to have a love that is both passionate and respectful of each person’s individuality?
TTDuong Pham Thi Thuy
This quote by Ann Oakley really made me think about the balance between intimacy and personal identity. If love means losing oneself, can it truly be called love? In some relationships, individuals may struggle with feeling swallowed up by the other’s needs or desires. How can people navigate this balance—giving love while maintaining their integrity? Should love require such a balance?
NBNguyen thi ngoc bao
I find this perspective on love thought-provoking. The idea that love should not diminish one's sense of self is powerful. Have you ever experienced a relationship where one person’s identity felt overshadowed by the other? How do you think couples can avoid losing themselves while still being emotionally connected? Is it possible to be fully devoted to someone without sacrificing your individuality?
NTnguyen thinh
Ann Oakley’s quote raises an important point about love and identity. It suggests that when one person absorbs the other, the individuality of both is lost, and the relationship becomes imbalanced. Do you think that a healthy relationship can exist without both people maintaining their sense of self? How can two people truly love each other while still preserving their own individuality and integrity?