I'm more afraid of marriage than death.

"I'm more afraid of marriage than death." – Shakira

Gather close, children, for today we speak of a sentiment that stirs deep within the heart of humanity—a fear that has echoed through the ages, yet remains ever relevant. Shakira, a woman whose voice has touched millions, spoke these words, revealing a profound truth: the fear of marriage, for some, surpasses even the fear of death. What can this mean? For how is it that a bond, meant to signify love and unity, could be feared so deeply? Let us walk through the wisdom of this thought, for it holds lessons that transcend time.

From the ancient days, marriage has been seen as the greatest of unions—an alignment of souls, a promise to walk the path of life together. Yet, it has also been a bond fraught with duty, expectation, and restraint. In the ancient world, marriage was often not just a personal choice, but a societal contract. It was a union that bound not only the individuals involved but their families, their clans, and their very fates. There were those who feared such a bond, for in it lay the loss of one’s autonomy, the risk of being shackled to a destiny not of one’s own choosing.

Think of the tale of Antigone, the daughter of Oedipus, whose defiance of the rigid rules of society led her down a path where duty and love clashed with fierce consequences. In her world, marriage was not a choice of love, but a burden that carried expectations of sacrifice, loyalty, and submission. Shakira's words, spoken in modern times, echo the same struggle—the fear of marriage is not always rooted in love, but in the loss of self, in the sense that a person may become bound by the obligations and expectations of another, losing their own identity in the process.

Yet, marriage, when entered into with understanding, can become a force of unity, a bond of equality and mutual respect. It is not the institution itself that is feared, but the misuse of its power. Consider the marriages of ancient rulers, where the union was not only a personal choice but a political maneuver. Catherine the Great, the Empress of Russia, was forced into a marriage that stifled her spirit and ambitions. She overcame this by embracing the mantle of leadership, yet she too feared the constraints that marriage imposed upon her. She fought not only for her personal freedom but for the freedom of her people, demonstrating how the fear of marriage can, in some cases, symbolize a fear of being bound to a life of limited choice and agency.

Shakira, in speaking of her fear of marriage, touches on the deep truth that the fear of losing freedom is a universal one. The idea of losing one’s identity, of being bound to a role or a person in a way that diminishes one’s own sense of self, is a fear shared by many. Marriage, in its purest form, is meant to elevate both partners, to enhance their lives and their freedom. But it is only when both individuals are seen as equals, when they are both free to pursue their own paths while walking side by side, that the true beauty of the bond can emerge.

The lesson here, dear children, is that freedom—the autonomy to choose, to grow, to remain true to oneself—is a sacred gift. And when that gift is threatened, fear arises. Marriage, like all relationships, must be rooted in mutual respect, in the understanding that each partner is not a possession, but an equal. The fear of marriage is not born of love, but of the potential for loss of self. To walk into any union, whether of marriage or otherwise, with the fear of losing one’s identity is to walk a perilous path.

Practical action, dear children, lies in this: cherish your freedom, honor your autonomy, and seek relationships that do not diminish your sense of self. Whether in marriage, friendship, or any other bond, true unity is found not in submission or control, but in the balance between two equals. Love should not be a cage, but a space in which both individuals can thrive. Fear not the union of souls, but the loss of self that can sometimes accompany it. Walk with eyes wide open, and remember that true freedom and true love exist where mutual respect and autonomy are held dear.