Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering

The wise psychologist Joyce Brothers, who spent her life teaching ordinary people the art of love and resilience, once spoke with humor and depth: “Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.” In these words lies a truth as old as time: that the grandeur of marriage is not sustained only by lofty ideals, but by the humble duties of daily life. It is a reminder that love is both sacred and practical, both soaring spirit and patient service. To cherish only the mystical union while neglecting the daily burdens is to leave the foundation of love unattended, and a temple without a foundation will surely fall.

The spiritual communion of marriage is noble indeed—the joining of two souls, the promise to walk together through joy and sorrow, the deep intimacy that no stranger can touch. But Brothers reminds us that marriage is also lived in kitchens and hallways, in mornings when the dishes pile up, and nights when someone must carry the garbage to the curb. The test of true love is not only found in vows spoken at the altar but in the willingness to share the smallest labors, the unseen acts that keep the household alive. Taking out the trash becomes a symbol of these countless humble tasks, each one a stone laid in the path of lasting union.

History gives us luminous examples of this truth. Consider Abigail and John Adams, whose letters during the American Revolution shine with both affection and practicality. John, away at Congress, wrote of lofty ideals of liberty, but Abigail, at home, reminded him of the practical burdens she bore: tending the farm, raising the children, making daily sacrifices to sustain their household. Their marriage endured not only because of shared vision, but because of shared labor. The communion of spirit was matched by attention to the practical realities of life, and thus their bond remained strong even through war and separation.

The danger of forgetting Brothers’ wisdom is clear. Too often couples enter marriage imagining only the glory of romance, only to stumble when faced with the weight of mundane tasks. Neglect of such duties breeds resentment; resentment, if left to fester, erodes affection; and affection, once drained, leaves the marriage hollow. A husband or wife may speak lofty words of devotion, but if they refuse to carry the daily burdens—if they forget, quite literally, to “take out the trash”—their love becomes unbalanced, a flame with no fuel to sustain it.

Yet this truth carries a deeper hope. For when couples embrace both the spiritual and the practical, their bond becomes unshakable. To pray together and to wash dishes together, to dream together and to sweep the floor together—these are not contradictions but harmonies. The holiness of marriage lies in this union of the exalted and the ordinary. By sharing chores, by carrying each other’s burdens, love is proved not in words but in deeds. Every small act becomes an offering, every daily duty becomes a quiet vow renewed.

The lesson for us is this: do not despise the small tasks, for in them the greatness of love is hidden. To fold laundry, to cook a meal, to mend what is broken—these are acts as sacred as kisses, as vital as declarations. Marriage thrives when partners honor both the spirit and the body of life together, when they see no task as beneath them, no burden as another’s alone. For love is not only about gazing into the infinite; it is about walking side by side through the dust of every day.

Practical wisdom flows from this: if you are married, let your devotion be shown not only in words but in actions. Share the household burdens willingly, not grudgingly. Surprise your beloved not only with flowers, but also with a clean kitchen or an empty trash bin. If you are not yet married, prepare your heart by learning that love requires humility and service as much as passion and desire. For in marriage, greatness is found in the smallest gestures.

Thus, let the words of Joyce Brothers echo through the generations: marriage is both communion and chore, both dream and duty. To love truly is to serve gladly, to find holiness not only in sacred vows but in the daily rhythm of care. And when spirit and labor walk together, the union becomes unbreakable, and the home becomes a sanctuary of enduring love.