Marriages, like careers, need constant nurturing... the secret of

“Marriages, like careers, need constant nurturing... the secret of having it all is loving it all.” Thus spoke Joyce Brothers, a woman of keen insight into the struggles and triumphs of human relationships. In these few words, she compresses an ocean of wisdom: that both marriage and career, the two great pursuits of life, demand vigilance, patience, and care. They are not trophies to be won once and displayed forever; they are gardens, needing to be watered, pruned, and tended lest they wither. And the true secret to sustaining them both is not in balancing them perfectly, but in loving them wholly.

The ancients knew this truth, though they clothed it in other images. The Greeks spoke of arete, excellence, which required constant effort in all things: the athlete must train daily, the philosopher must question endlessly, the statesman must labor ceaselessly. So too does the lover and the spouse. A marriage without nurturing becomes brittle, just as a career without effort becomes stagnant. Joyce Brothers calls us to see both as living organisms, demanding steady care, and promising growth only when that care is offered with devotion.

Consider the life of Eleanor and Franklin Roosevelt. Their marriage was tested by illness, betrayal, and the crushing weight of political life. Yet they found ways to nurture both their union and their careers, though in unconventional forms. Eleanor, wounded yet unbroken, poured her energy into causes of justice and reform, while Franklin carried the burdens of leadership. Their marriage endured because each found meaning not only in their personal bond, but in the larger work they shared. They had “it all” not because their life was free of hardship, but because they loved it all—the struggles, the sacrifices, and the shared purpose.

Brothers’ words also carry a subtle rebuke to the illusion of perfection. Too often, people imagine that to “have it all” means to possess wealth, success, and a flawless marriage without effort. But she reminds us that the secret is not possession, but perception. If one does not love the daily labors, the interruptions, the imperfections, then no amount of success or companionship will satisfy. To love it all—the small gestures of kindness, the long nights of work, the mundane rhythms of family life—is to discover fullness even amidst imperfection.

Her wisdom also highlights the danger of neglect. Many have lost both marriages and careers by assuming that early passion or early achievement was enough to sustain the years. The Roman Empire itself, though mighty, collapsed not from one blow but from centuries of neglect, corruption, and failure to nurture its strength. Likewise, a marriage collapses not from a single quarrel, but from the slow erosion of care. A career falters not from one failure, but from the absence of dedication. Both require the steady fire of effort, stoked by the fuel of love.

The lesson for us is plain: to nurture is to love. Do not wait for grand moments alone; give attention daily to both your partner and your work. Speak gratitude often, offer patience freely, and see in each trial an opportunity to strengthen rather than to weaken. If you would have a long and fruitful marriage, treat it as a living bond that demands your tending. If you would have a fulfilling career, embrace its challenges with the same devotion. And above all, do not see these as burdens, but as blessings to be cherished.

Practical wisdom follows: each day, choose one act that nurtures your spouse, and one that nurtures your work. Let neither go neglected. Speak words of kindness, however small, to the one you love. Approach your labor not as drudgery but as a chance to grow. When you encounter hardship, remind yourself: “The secret of having it all is loving it all.” In this way, you transform struggle into meaning and imperfection into fulfillment.

Thus Joyce Brothers’ words shine as a beacon for all who wrestle with the weight of love and duty. Marriages and careers alike demand nurturing, but they yield joy to those who meet them with devotion. And the true secret of life is not to escape their burdens, but to embrace them with love. For when you love it all—the effort, the setbacks, the triumphs—you discover that you already possess all that truly matters.