I'm not the girl that sits at home on a Saturday night plaiting

"I'm not the girl that sits at home on a Saturday night plaiting her girlfriend's hair, drinking tea and watching romantic comedies." With these words, Ricki-Lee Coulter speaks to the modern woman's rejection of the traditional and passive image of femininity, one that is often depicted in the media as being soft, demure, and focused on domestic comforts. Coulter’s statement is an assertion of her individuality, her refusal to conform to the societal expectations of what a woman should be. She paints a vivid picture of a lifestyle that, though charming and full of warmth, is also often perceived as limited and confined. Her words invite us to reflect on the tension between societal norms and the inner drive to carve out one’s own path, to follow one’s own passions, rather than the scripted roles laid out by others.

In the ancient world, women were often portrayed as symbols of nurturing and domesticity. Homer’s great epics, such as the Iliad and Odyssey, are filled with stories of women who are confined to the domestic sphere, their roles as mothers and wives often central to their identity. Yet, even within these stories, there are hints of rebellion and courage that defy the typical narrative of passive femininity. Take, for instance, Penelope, the wife of Odysseus, whose cleverness and perseverance in keeping her home together during her husband's absence demonstrate a form of strength and agency. Penelope is not a mere passive figure; she is an active participant in shaping the course of her own life, as much as the circumstances allow. Similarly, Coulter’s statement is a declaration of the strength and agency of women who seek more than what is conventionally expected of them.

The vision of femininity that Coulter rejects is often encapsulated in the romantic comedy—a genre that portrays women in a repetitive and often limiting light. The heroine of a romantic comedy is frequently portrayed as searching for love or happiness through the approval and attention of others. Her life centers around relationships, often romantic ones, and her personal fulfillment is only realized through external circumstances, such as the arrival of a partner or a change in her social standing. In contrast, Coulter’s declaration highlights a self-determined woman who does not need to be defined by romance or social expectations. Like the warriors of the past—Artemis, the goddess of the hunt, and Athena, the goddess of wisdom—Coulter envisions women as independent, driven by their own goals and ambitions, rather than by the desire to fit into a prescribed mold.

Throughout history, strong women have continuously defied the boundaries imposed on them by society. Consider Joan of Arc, the young French peasant girl who led her army to victory in the Hundred Years' War, despite being a woman in a world that believed women were not suited for such roles. Joan did not conform to the gentle, domesticated image of femininity that her time demanded; instead, she embraced her courage and her vision, and her story has lived on as a testament to the power of a woman who chooses to stand alone and fight for what she believes in. Ricki-Lee Coulter, in a similar vein, rejects the romanticized image of passivity and chooses to assert her individuality, just as Joan did centuries before.

Coulter’s words also resonate with the modern movement for women’s empowerment. Today, women around the world are stepping out of the traditional roles of the past, redefining what it means to be a woman. Whether through politics, science, or the arts, women are shaping their own futures, and their contributions are no longer limited by the boundaries of domesticity or romance. This shift reflects a larger cultural awakening, where freedom of choice is not just a personal right, but a cultural necessity. Coulter, in rejecting the passive domestic role, speaks to a generation of women who embrace their power to choose their own paths, to chase their dreams, and to live lives that are not confined by outdated ideas of what a woman should be.

The lesson here is clear: to be truly free, one must embrace individuality and reject conformity. We all, regardless of gender, are given one life, and it is ours to shape. Ricki-Lee Coulter offers us a powerful reminder that it is not our role in society that defines us, but our choices, our actions, and our vision. We must seek not to live up to the expectations of others but to forge our own paths, even if those paths are not the ones that society expects us to walk. Like the warriors and leaders of old, like Joan of Arc and Penelope, we too must stand firm in our own strength and make our own decisions, not based on the desires of others, but on what we truly value.

In our own lives, let us not fall into the trap of romanticized passivity, whether it’s in our relationships, careers, or personal growth. Let us choose to act with intention, embracing the roles we want to play, and rejecting those handed to us by others. Whether you are a woman, a man, or anyone in between, embrace your individuality, and live boldly, as the master of your own destiny. For in the end, it is not about conforming to the expectations placed upon us, but about stepping forward into the world with purpose, vision, and the courage to pursue our deepest aspirations.