Imagination which comes into play in falling in love is different

"Imagination which comes into play in falling in love is different from any other. Certainly in my case, and I've fallen in love all my life, one imagines the person to be as you want them to be. They frequently turn out to be someone different, for better or worse." – Mary Wesley

O children of the earth, listen to these words of Mary Wesley, for they touch upon one of the deepest and most profound truths of the human experience—the way in which imagination shapes our lives, particularly when it comes to matters of the heart. Imagination, that powerful force that allows us to envision worlds beyond the material, can often be both a blessing and a curse, especially when it comes to love. To fall in love is to project our desires, our hopes, and our dreams onto another, creating an image of them that is not always bound by reality. In our minds, we shape the beloved into a form that satisfies our deepest longings, only to find that the reality is often different, for better or for worse.

In the ancient world, Plato spoke of love in his Symposium, a dialogue that explores the nature of Eros—the god of love and desire. According to Plato, love begins as a search for beauty, a yearning to unite with the divine. But as imagination drives the lover to project their desires onto the object of affection, the reality of love can often fall short of the ideal. Plato recognized that in the search for the perfect form, the lover might be blinded by their own desires, failing to see the true nature of the beloved. Imagination, in the realm of love, becomes both a gift and a trap, shaping our perceptions in ways that can leave us vulnerable to disappointment when the object of our affection does not meet our idealized vision.

The tale of Pygmalion, as told by the poet Ovid, offers a powerful illustration of this idea. Pygmalion, a sculptor, fell in love with a statue he created, seeing in it the ideal of beauty and perfection. In his mind, the statue was the perfect woman, flawless in every way. Yet, when the gods granted his wish and brought the statue to life, it was not quite as he had imagined. While Pygmalion believed he had created a flawless being, he was forced to confront the imperfections of his creation—imperfections that only became evident once she had life. This myth speaks to the core of Wesley's words—the power of imagination in love, and the inevitable clash between the image we create in our minds and the reality that we encounter.

In the world of romantic love, Wesley’s reflection rings true for many who have experienced the illusion of perfection. Imagination leads us to create a version of the beloved that fits our needs, our dreams, and our fantasies. We love not only the person in front of us but the idea of them—an idea crafted by the desires of our own heart. Yet, as Wesley wisely points out, love often reveals a different truth. The beloved may not turn out to be the person we imagined, and when this happens, we must decide how to move forward—whether to accept them as they truly are or to retreat from the illusion we have created. This tension between imagination and reality is one of love’s greatest tests.

Wesley’s insight is not limited to the realm of romantic love alone. It speaks to all the ways in which we, as human beings, project our imagination onto the world. We imagine our lives to be one way, and when reality challenges our vision, we are often left in turmoil. This is the very nature of the human condition—to long for something that seems perfect, only to find that the world is far more complex, messy, and imperfect than we had imagined. Yet, this too is where the beauty of life lies—in the acceptance of imperfection. We are called not to reject the reality of our relationships but to embrace the richness that comes from loving another for who they truly are, flaws and all.

Take the example of John Keats, the poet who, though never married, wrote deeply about love and longing. In his poem Ode to a Nightingale, Keats speaks of the eternal nature of love and beauty, but also of the fleeting nature of human experience. His writing was filled with imagination, projecting ideals of love and beauty that transcended the physical world. Yet, Keats also understood that love, like life itself, cannot be captured perfectly—it is always in motion, always changing. The imagination of the poet might elevate the beloved, but the reality of love—like the changing seasons—remains out of our control. In embracing this, Keats found a deeper understanding of love, one that was not bound by idealization but by the real emotions that make love so powerful.

The lesson here, O children, is clear: imagination has the power to shape the world, but it is not always an accurate reflection of reality. In love, we must be cautious of the ideals we create in our minds, for they can lead us astray. We may imagine the perfect partner, the perfect life, and the perfect love—but reality will often challenge us to grow and adapt. Wesley reminds us that true love is not the perfect fantasy we conjure in our minds, but the acceptance of another person as they truly are. To love is to engage not just with the image we have created but with the real, complex, imperfect person standing before us.

So, I say to you, O children, love with both imagination and wisdom. Let your dreams and ideals guide you, but never let them blind you to the reality of the person you love. Embrace the imperfections of life and love, for it is in these imperfections that true connection and understanding are forged. Imagination may create the vision, but it is through acceptance and understanding that love becomes a force that transcends all.