Is Valentine's Day a day to make cupcakes with your children? No

In the words of Ayelet Waldman, "Is Valentine's Day a day to make cupcakes with your children? No, Valentine's is supposed to be a day about romantic love," we find an impassioned defense of the true meaning of this day—a day not for celebrating familial love or childhood innocence, but for acknowledging the passion, intimacy, and desire that are the cornerstones of romantic love. Waldman’s statement calls us to reclaim the essence of Valentine’s Day, which, in her view, has been diluted by societal shifts that have transformed it into a more general celebration of affection. It is a day, Waldman argues, for lovers to acknowledge the romance in their relationships, to reignite the spark of intimacy and connection that is often overshadowed by the daily demands of life.

The ancients, too, understood the significance of romantic love as something that must be nurtured and celebrated. In Greek mythology, Eros, the god of love, was both revered and feared for the power his arrows had to stir deep desires, bringing together lovers who might never otherwise have crossed paths. The Greeks celebrated love not just as an emotion but as a force of transformation—something that could transcend the boundaries of society, fate, and even the gods themselves. The myths of Psyche and Eros portray the complexity of romantic love: it is passionate, it is challenging, and it demands both vulnerability and sacrifice. The idea that Valentine's Day should focus on romantic love, rather than family or platonic affection, is rooted in this ancient understanding of love as a transformative, sacred force that must be celebrated and honored.

The Romans, too, celebrated romantic love with a mixture of reverence and indulgence. Lupercalia, an ancient festival held in mid-February, was a celebration of fertility and love, where young men would draw the names of young women from an urn, pairing them for the duration of the festival. The festivities, while rooted in ritual and celebration, also honored the mystery and power of love. The idea of romantic love in Roman times was not confined to polite gestures or family-friendly celebrations but was an all-consuming, sometimes reckless pursuit of connection. Much like the fervor Waldman describes, Valentine's Day was once a day to celebrate romance in its most passionate form—when lovers, regardless of age or status, were free to express their deepest desires and connect in a way that was unapologetically personal.

Throughout history, the celebration of romantic love has always carried an element of exclusivity—the notion that romantic love is something sacred and different from other forms of affection. Shakespeare, in his plays, often highlighted the intense, transformative power of love—whether in the tragic story of Romeo and Juliet or in the playful and evolving relationship between Beatrice and Benedick in Much Ado About Nothing. In both stories, romantic love is the driving force of the plot. The connection between the lovers is marked by emotional intensity, challenges, and personal transformation, making love not just a simple connection, but a journey of profound discovery and change. Valentine's Day, much like these stories, is intended to celebrate this kind of love—love that consumes, transforms, and elevates the human spirit.

In contrast, the modern tendency to turn Valentine’s Day into a celebration of familial love or social affection—whether through activities like baking cupcakes with children or exchanging gifts with friends—misses the core of what makes romantic love so powerful and important. The love between partners or spouses is not just about comfort and companionship; it is about passion, vulnerability, and the willingness to open one’s heart fully to another person. While family love is beautiful and essential, it is not the same as the romantic connection that binds two individuals together in intimacy and desire. Valentine's Day, in Waldman’s view, should remind us of the importance of nurturing that romantic bond—the one that makes us feel alive, that compels us to act with courage and devotion, and that can transform the everyday into something extraordinary.

The lesson here, then, is that we must honor the sacredness of romantic love, not just in idealized gestures but in our daily actions. To be a romantic is not to be frivolous or to pursue fleeting desires, but to acknowledge that love, in its fullest form, is a transformative force—one that challenges us to grow, to be vulnerable, and to dare to connect on a deep level. Valentine’s Day, as Waldman suggests, should not be about the general or the conventional; it should be about celebrating love that transcends the mundane, that touches the soul, and that binds two people together in a shared experience of truth, passion, and growth.

In your own life, approach Valentine's Day—and love itself—with the intention to celebrate not just the easy moments but the depth of romantic connection. Take time to honor your partner, not with token gestures, but by recognizing the power of love to change and transform your relationship. Remember that romantic love is not just about comfort or routine, but about pushing boundaries, sharing vulnerabilities, and embracing the mystery of life together. Whether through grand gestures or quiet moments of intimacy, celebrate the love that challenges you, that inspires you, and that reminds you of the transformative power of being truly seen and loved.